“I’ll still be asking some meat puppet to lift his nutsack”

name Mike Quasar
age; 40
occupation: Camera man/ professional drinker

sexual orientation – ambivalent
company and/or website  ztod.com

1. What do your fans usually ask you? ( Don’t say you don’t have fans because I AM one)
I think of them more as “interested parties” rather than fans, but most want to know if I can convince generic porn girl #37 to fuck a black guy or if I can get the current “it” girl of the moment to take it in the ass or do a gangbang. Then they shake my hand and I wash it furiously with antibacterial soap moments later.
Although the regular folk out there usually just want to know what it’s like to work in the business. I show them an MRI scan of my liver.

2. Who will you NOT work with?
Amber Lynn

3. Describe what you consider a romantic date
I’ve been with the same woman for 16 years. A romantic date is one where I’m home in time to watch House.

4. What is the funniest thing that every happened to you at work?
I once watched Van Damage accidentally ejaculate on Michael J Cox during a double penetration scene. Larry David can’t write something that funny.

5. Who is the person who influenced you the most in your life & how?
The person who influenced me the most is my Mom. Despite her horror at my present vocation, she pushed me to do whatever it is that I wanted to do. Twenty years ago I was trying to be a rock star but failed. I always tell her to pretend that my goal in life was to become a filthy smut merchant instead. That way, it looks like I’ve fulfilled all of my childhood dreams.

6. Describe yourself in ten words or less
Bitter and….. emotionally fragile.

7. What is something you paid for that wasn’t worth the money?
I would make a joke involving a Puerto Rican hooker here but my wife might read this and think I’m not joking.

8. If you inherited five  million dollars (after taxes, lol) from an unknown rich uncle, what would you do with the money.
I would relieve the Canadian tax payer of the burden of financially supporting most of my family back there. I would immediately donate my video cameras to charity, convince my wife to let me take a mistress and move to Cabo San Lucas. And I would rescue lots of animals too.

9. What would be a perfect day for you?
A perfect day for me would be just like the one I had last week in Cabo; wake up, order a drink, head to the beach. Repeat indefinitely.

10. What do you want to achieve in your life?
Tranquility.

11. Where would you like to be ten years from now?
Retired, but more than likely I’ll still be asking some meat puppet to lift his nutsack so I can get the hardcore shot.  I just changed my mind. In ten years, I hope I’m dead.

12. What part of a body is sexiest and why?
Buttocks on a woman that look they were carved by Jehovah. Preferably a latin woman. When I see bikini pictures of the Columbian broad on Modern Family, I feel like how I felt the first time I tasted Crown Royal.

13. Tell us something quirky about you that most people don’t know.
I am more aroused by reading about sex than by watching it. That either means I’m incredibly sensitive or gay.

14. What is your unfulfilled sexual fantasy?
My unfulfilled sexual fantasy is that I’m a successful porn director surrounded by beautiful women on a daily basis… and I’m not married. Either that or my wife turns to me one day and says “That ‘so and so’ girl is really hot. You should bring her home”  Sadly, I don’t expect this fantasy to ever be realized.

15. What do you think about when you masturbate?
After almost 18 years in porn? Women gardening while wearing burqas… and sometimes Tori Black.

16. What Cause and/or Charity do you support and/or fight for?
Well, I’m a regular contributor to the ASPCA I got suckered into making a monthly pledge to that cancer hospital for kids. Damn commercials with sad music!!!

17. What sexual acts/fetishes would you NOT do?
I’m a little creeped out by the whole anal thing personally, and I’m reasonably certain that I would turn down an invitation to a bukkake.

18. What is your philosophy in life?
My philosophy has always been “life is short….thank God”

19. How do you feel about religion/God?
I am firmly agnostic. I believe that ardently religious people are suffering from self-imposed mental illness, but I would never be so pompous to suggest that there is definitely not a creator. Having said that, Richard Dawkins is probably right.

20. What political party would you be a member of, and how does politics effect your life?
I have always been a libertarian, I just didn’t realize it until I got into this business. It’s the only political philosophy that doesn’t pit one party against another; no one wins or loses at the expense of anyone else.

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