Taylor’s World

So the pussy is not only out of the bag but all over newsstands everywhere. Yep, it’s that time again for me, Penthouse Pet of the Year special issue madness, and this year the 100 grand winner is Texas busty bombshell, Taylor Vixen.

I liked Taylor right off the bat. She was our 40^th Anniversary Pet with a stacked body to die for and a sultry face to match. Then I saw her without make up, in person, when she met me in the lobby of the Paramount hotel in New York City and saw she was just a really adorable, little girl. She won’t let me live down me hugging her and saying, “You’re not Taylor Vixen, not with that little, sweet, milk ‘n cookies face!” So since then, I call her “Cookie” and she calls me “Milky.” Course she’s not that innocent, she also does some awesome, hard-core girl-girl scenes and is up for an AVN award too. Then when Penthouse Pet Krista Ayne met and worked for her at a Penthouse Club opening she said, “Taylor looks like what it would be if Shay Laren and Cassia Riley had a baby together.” I think that means Taylor’s gorgeous, wouldn’t you?

I usually promote Pet of the Year in New York because there are a lot more media outlets here, and it’s also the main headquarters of Sirius XM, but I just had Taylor in town promoting the Pet of the Year Play Off issue with Ryan Keely and Veronica Ricci. It’s our tradition to do the Penthouse Pet Pageant on The Howard Stern Show, our fifth year running, in fact, and Howard and crew picked Taylor as the winner as well. The Stern Show has great, great taste and has almost always picked the Pet who actually becomes Pet of the Year. And when he hasn’t it’s because I didn’t have that particular Pet on the show due to a scheduling problem, most likely. Taylor won them over with her naturally large chest and her talent portion which was a parody of the song, “All My Exes Live in Texas.”

So I went to Los Angeles instead, and Taylor had to do most of the driving because I’m from New York and I don’t and can’t drive. Taylor, my sweet Cookie, not only can drive, but boy she can be pretty aggressive. “Move it Fatty, move it!” she said while we were waiting a long while for a lady to cross the street in Van Nuys. She told me she’s been pulled over by cops more than once for not giving the pedestrian the right of way, but so far, she hasn’t gotten a ticket. On our way to the AVN web interview I was asking about the area we were driving through. “Is this a good area? The houses are cute.” Taylor laughed and said, “Are you kidding this is Van Nuys!” A Mexican neighborhood, I noticed, and just like in New York/New Jersey, Latinos always take great care of their property. When we drove past the corner where day laborers were waiting she told me if I needed or wanted, I could stick my head out the window and say, “I need two,” and they’d jump in the car with us.

Suddenly I wished I lived in LA. Charles Bukowski, my favorite writer in the world, wrote about LA and though he’d tramp here and there, he’d always come back to it. And this was why. That and there are some funky, weird people there. People of the likes I have not seen in New York City for years. The kind of people I’d see when I’d visit my Dad at the Time Square Post Office, in Times Square. Huggy Bear/Superfly looking dudes and Quentin Crisp type freaks. Muscle men with thick moustaches and urban cowboys, and Isadora Duncan women, people like that. Taylor is enamored with LA too; she loves the outdoor beauty and the characters. “In LA you have no idea who is who. Some crackpot, homeless looking person talking to himself, could turn out to be a millionaire. You don’t know, and you can’t judge right away, it’s great.”

The new Penthouse offices are gorgeous. The sets are humongous and decked out. The dressing rooms are tricked out. Huge Penthouse framed posters are everywhere and juxtaposed with some cool pop art. The receptionist is beautiful and there is a doggy or two running around. So bright, so sunny, perhaps I could even get to the office two hours earlier in a place like that. It’s not that they won’t give us that at the New York office; it’s just that you simply can’t have this kind of place in the Big Apple. It’s just not possible. No one knew me there, but they all knew Taylor and told her to show me around with a wave of a hand. It was so relaxed. And Taylor was so easy, breezy, covergirl.

The signing was at World Books and News in Hollywood over at Sunset Boulevard. It was okay, but not the cleanest place we’ve ever done a signing in. They put Taylor’s table in front of a stack of automotive, grease monkey magazines and we got lots of traffic, because there were a lot of guys in there who picked up their Popular Mechanics. “Hey there! I’m Penthouse Pet of the Year Taylor Vixen!” She’d say with a big smile and her large chest looking so snug as a bug in the Penthouse Pet baby pink tee. “Well hey there yourself. Can you move over a bit so I can pick up the Car and Driver behind you?” My favorite part of the place is that they had all the indie magazines that I never see anymore at New York newsstands, like one that was devoted to notes that were found and reprinted. I love that shit. That’s what grass roots publishing it about to me. But I digress.

A photographer from XBIZ came for photos and a chat. He had been a fan of Taylor’s right away and asked her if she was planning on doing any boy/girl scenes yet. In fact, this was the most frequently asked question during our media time in LA. When Taylor said no, he smiled and said, “Just one! Just one! With a boyfriend or a fiancé or a husband! I don’t care I just want to see you do it once!” And I thought, oh boy is Taylor going to ever clean up when she ever does decided to do boy/girl. Something for her to remember, I told her. And she looked at me with those sexy, dark flashing eyes and told me what she told everyone else. “You never know what the future will hold.”

La

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