Archive for the ‘Reviews’ Category
Reviewer-Pornoissuer & twitter.com/pornissuer
Movie Company-Hustler & www.hustler.com
Movie Title-This Ain’t the bachelor XXX: This is a Parody
Starring-Dale Dabone, Alanah Rae, Chris Johnson, Kayla Paige, Summer, Bailey Brooks, Melissa Jacobs, Sabrina Maree, Heather Starlett, Brielle Taylor
Description-Lets take a hit reality show and add something that will make it better SEX. At this point if you haven’t heard of the bachelor you have pretty much been living under a rock, but for those of you that haven’t here’s the premise. Man meets a bunch of woman who he has to get to know over a few weeks and narrow the field of however many down to one. Hustler decided to bypass the other girls and get down to the nitty gritty with the final seven. From here each scene is set as a date per se and we get to see what the censors on ABC wont let us. In the end our bachelor makes his choice and picks his one true love or better yet his one true lust.
I’m going to start by saying I am not a fan of the Bachelor how it has ran this long is still beyond me. Now when I heard there would be parody I thought great we get to see the best part. I was wrong while the sex was a added plus this movie just came off kinda rushed. One of the best parts is the varying scenes each one was different you had a solo a little girl on girl, a threesome, and last but not least a boy girl. Also each scene got about a good twenty minutes. I would have liked a little more interaction with the girls at least give me some form of personality of each. The only one that really stood out to me was Bailey Brooks she played the ice queen very well, and this showed in her scenes. Her sex scene with Dale Dabone was my favorite she was very vocal and told him what she liked and the scene came off very well. All in all the different scenes are good for those looking for something kind of tame, but it doesn’t really offer anything that hasn’t been done before.
This one had a behind the scenes feature which I always like to see but it was pretty lackluster. It only ran for about 15 minutes and focused almost entirely on the first scene. No interviews with the rest of the cast just a quick blooper. There is a good feature that allows you to pick you favorite starlet and the point in the scene you want to pick up at, but other than that nothing to really write home about.
Overall-5-This one is was okay not what I expected from a hustler parody. Everything seems rushed and with a lackluster Behind the Scenes I was just let down. I have to saw pass on this one.
I have hundreds of movies available to watch. Whether I go on one of the services like Netflix, or pay the $3-5 on Amazon, or I can go to my rental store, but I rarely find anything worth watching. I often rewatch a movie I have seen a long time ago that I know was good but don’t remember it well.
Just last weekend we watched Seven, ( Brad Pitt was so young and HOT! & Morgan Freeman ) about a serial killer following the seven deadly sins of Gluttony, Greed, etc. I had seen it when it first came out in 1995 but didn’t remember it. It was really good and worth watching. It’s pretty gruesome though, so be prepared. Lots of very scary dead, (or almost dead ) torture victims. Who plays the killer is a really big spoiler, ( and i’m not going to tell you) that the movie keeps secret until the last part. Great vilain, amazing ending… 9 out of 10
I also re-watched Sea Of Love (Al Pacino, Ellen Barkin ) which was another serial killer movie, but had sexy parts in it also. It was about men who put love classified ads in the paper and ended up dead. I know I originally saw Sea of Love at the Drive in many years ago (1989?). I didn’t remember this movie at all. My husband says that’s cuz we were having wild sex in the car while it was playing, lol. But it was also really good. A love story, a thriller, a mystery all wrapped up with an unexpected ending. Just my kind of movie. 8.5 out of 10
If you’ve watched a good movie recently, whether old or new. Please let me know. It seems that I am spending more time looking for a good movie to watch than actually watching one.
Cindi Says- I really enjoyed this movie when I reviewed it when it first came out. I love passing on these movies to Pornoissuer to get a second opinion…
Reviewer-Pornoissuer & twitter.com/pornissuer
Movie Company-Smash Pictures & www.smashpictures.com
Movie Title-The Divorcee
Starring-Diamond Foxxx, Phoenix Marie, Monique Fuentes, Raylene, Avy Scott, Tony Ribas, Mark Wood, Ron Jeremy, Prince Yahshua, James Deen
Description-Smash Pictures has succeeded here in creating a parody without even trying. While this may look like you everyday feature it seems to get the heart of Divorce Court without ever having to outright say it. The plus is that we get to see the inner workings behind the scenes once the verdict has been passed or the judge has gone back to his chambers to deliberate (I’m looking at you Ron Jeremy and Monique Fuentes). Diamond Foxxx has already divorced her husband who left the country and thinks she deserves more money and his possessions. Mark Wood his lawyer aint having it but Diamond has a few assests on her side to help coerce him. Monique Fuentes is tired of her husband cheating on her, but when she notices Judge Ron may be ruling in his favor she has to find a way to get the ruling in her favor. Tony Ribas has just lost his wife but it doesn’t take him long to find a shoulder to cry on and screw in Phoenix Marie. Avy Scott wants to leave her husband but she has no grounds for divorce, so when she gets a little rowdy in the courtroom and is dragged away to jail she needs Price to let her out but he likes her job maybe a trip and sex is the best way of getting him to turn the other cheek. Finally Raylene and James think they want a separation but the more they talk the more turned on they get and before anyone in the courtroom can realize it they are getting one hell of a show.
I really enjoyed this one each scene had its own little story and no scene was ever the same. While the sex never gets to crazy and all the scenes are boy/girl sorry no big gang bang or threesomes. There is a nice bit of anal in the Phoenix Marie Scene. Speaking of Phoenix Marie this was my favorite scene not because of the anal that was a plus but because of Phoenix’s commentary and ability to create a story during her scene. If sex scenes were a sport Phoenix is the one you want doing the play by play she tells you exactly how she feels and before I knew it she has created a back story about green cards and sisters it’s a piece of work to watch. Also great job getting Ron Jeremy to be the judge he read his lines great showed he can still go I mean how lucky is he gor getting with Monique and he even did the countdown. I thought it was just a porn urban legend. I could have go for a little variation in the scenes but the stories behind each one were good so I was left entertained.
This is the second film I have reviewed for Smash pictures and ai like the fact they get that being interactive with you fans is always a good thing. First they let you watch the movie two ways with the storyline or without. Those gonzo fans out there will love that. You can also pick your favorite positions and just watch those. There is a nice behind the scenes and even a five minute long blooper scene which I don’t see to often but wish I did. I wish more companies added this many features.
Overall-8-While the movie never gets to raunchy or out of control the couples in the scenes work well together and the pace is kept throughout. You add in the comedy of Ron Jeremy in the movie and behind the scenes and all the special features you have a winner. If your looking for a parody that isn’t a parody this is it. This one is a Buy
Tanya Tate’s The MILF Masseuse
Review by Greg Chapman
Directed by Tanya Tate
Available from Filly Films
British porn queen Tanya Tate gets behind the lens for her first directorial debut and does a fantastic job. The fantasy of older women giving massages to younger females is certainly one that I can totally get into! Getting massages is great, so are giving them depending who it is in my humble opinion. Anyway, as a guy, watching hot women indulge themselves in each other is the next best thing as to actually participating in the pleasures of flesh upon oiled up flesh. The aforementioned Tanya Tate stars in all 4 steamy scenes getting it on with the likes of Jelena Jensen, India Summer, Stevie Reyes, Stormie White and Dani Daniels. The action starts off with a hot g/g/g scene featuring Tanya and Stevie Reyes slurping and rubbing the nubile India Summer. Plenty of kissing and licking gets the juices flowing in a Sappho overload.
Then Tanya takes on cute Jelena Jensen, carefully massaging her lovely body, which leads to a girl-girl coupling beyond compare. Next to undergo the Tanya treatment are Stormie White and Dani Daniels in scenes featuring great direction and camera work that delivers the sensuality only women can offer each other. Not to leave things up to the imagination, but words can never replace checking it out for yourself. I recommend anyone who likes excellent lesbian action to see for themselves what Tanya delivers because to quote the press release “Massage therapy with Tanya Tate will rub you the right way!” One can only look forward to more from her in the near future!
Reviewer-Pornoissuer & twitter.com/pornoissuer
Movie Company-Smash Pictures & www.smashpictures.com
Movie Title-Secretary’s Day 4
Starring-Asa Akira, Andy San Dimas, Allie Haze, Katie Kox, Mckenzie Miles, Darcy Tyler, Evan Stone, Christian XXX, Otto Bauer, Kris Slater, Jack Vegas
Description-Everybody has had the fantasy of having sex with a secretary they work with or having sex in the office. For most of us this ends at fantasy because in reality it would lead to a nasty lawsuit or termination, This series helps us keep that fantasy in check but if I worked with a secretary as hot as some of these woman Human Resources would not know what to do with me. Secretary’s Day 4 covers 5 different scenarios of what could possibly happen between bosses and their ASSistants. You have the girlfriend trying to get her boyfriends band signed. There’s the assistant that owes her boss money and he can only think of one way for her to repay. Also what happens when phone sex gets you caught by the boss on company time. A new hire who takes using company equipment to a new level. Finally the broken hearted secretary whose coworker has done her wrong and her boss can only think of one way to help her.
1) The Outfits- Each lady is glamed up pretty good in this one. We’re talking short to long skirts with stocking attached to garter belts and heels that don’t stop plus what’s a sexy secretary without the glasses. Since no one is ever completely nude the clothes add a certain aesthetic that is pleasing to the eyes.
2) Great Extras-More on this in the bonus material section
1)Bad Cuts- Not sure what they were going for in the editing room here but there were times when it looks like one thing was going to happen then they are in a totally different position. A good transition can make or break a movie for me if its to jarring it takes me out of the experience.
2) This one isn’t big but in one scene in particular there are a few plaques that have been blurred out and you cant help but notice them in the background. I understand they were going for a certain type of office feel but if they were going to have to blur them out they should have just been removed.
When I first started watching the opening for this one I knew what scene I wasn’t looking forward to the FFM scene these to me are usually a train wreck and go on way to long and its not something I like to watch. Boy could I have not been more wrong the cast in this one were perfect. First you have Andy San Dimas this woman has a way with words she can make anything and I mean anything sound sexy. I lie to you not she said “go ahead eat the poop shoot” and I thought I was going to shoot. Then you have Allie Haze playing her boss its always nice to see the woman leering after the secretary and Allie coerces Andy perfectly. I had to have rewound their kiss about three times. Then there is Evan Stone there is a reason this man keeps getting the acting award nod he is hilarious from his interaction with the main boss to how he gets down with Allie and Andy. The lead up to the scene in this one was longer than the other four but it worked. These three had great chemistry and get into every position or scenario you can think off. I would have liked to have seen a little more between just Andy and Allie together but beggars cant be choosers and there is a reason why this was the last scene.
I have to hand it to Smash pictures they know what it means to give BONUS material. Not only does Jim Powers give a great behind the scenes where I learned a few things. Did you know Allie Haze wanted to be a firefighter or that Andy San Dimas got her name from Bill and Ted I sure didn’t. Plus they also give you the position selection feature and a new one I like called the tease. Remember when I said I watched that kiss between San Dimas and Haze yeah this feature made that a lot easier, These guys made me miss the days of the multiple angle shot.
Overall-7.5-I liked this one each story kept me interested and all the major porn bases were covered. There was even some anal and a cream pie which I wasn’t expecting to see, This is one for anybody that likes a to see a girl all dressed and might have a few roleplaying scenarios they want to see played out. With the bonus features the viewing experience is different each time. This is a Buy.
Reviewer-Pornoissuer & twitter.com/Pornoissuer
Movie Release-1983 re-release 2011
Movie Company-Essex Video
Movie Title-Naughty Girls Need Love Too
Starring-Hyapatia Lee, Honey Wilder, Rachel Ashley, Ron Jeremy, Richard Pacheco, Mona Page, John Leslie, Jamie Gillis, Randy West, Lynn Francis, Penelope Jones, Zoe Marlow, Tina Marie
Description-Naughty Girls follows the lives of a budding singles community in Marina Del Ray, California. The film is narrated by Honey Wilder who also acts as the social director in the movie. All the characters seem to interact with each other at some point or another if you catch my drift
Review-Now Let me start by saying I love “old school” porn. I have a affinity for the fact the stories were pretty good and the acting could stand up to any B movie out today. This is what I liked about this you take out the sex and the movie could be something you catch on late night USA. The cast is great ,especially Honey Wilder, she was a perfect pick for the narrator and her character pretty much got involved in all the major storylines.
The music is also a plus, never have I heard a theme song as catchy a “Naughty Girls” and I’m not talking about that old Beyonce song. I hope I can find out who did this song. Now because this is a classic adult feature it has classic adult music in scenes but every so often a you hear a few gems. Some of the sex scenes can be really short mainly because the movie is interacting between all the other scenes luckily there is a nice payoff with the last two scenes that act as one big one. This movie covers all the classic bases; teacher and students check, naughty librarian check, plumber check. It’s like the took all the old porn clichés and put them into one movie, cheesy, but it works. Downside is with it only being 1:39 it has to end right when it gets going. I would love to see if there was a follow up to this of sorts.
Overall-For anyone that is a classic porn love this one is a great underrated movie that hits all the major seventies porn points. Now there isn’t any behind the scenes or interviews, but if you just wan t a fun movie this is it. This is a definite rent i give it a 7 out of 10
Reviewer- Pornoissuer & twitter.com/pornoissuer
Movie Company & website-Digital Playground & digital playground.com
Movie Title-The Smiths
Starring-Kayden Kross, Jennifer White, Riley Steele, Kourtney Kane, Mick Blue, Manuel Ferrera, Tommy Gunn, Scott Nails
Type of Movie-Feature
Description-Manuel and his wife Kayden have been having problems in the bedroom, They haven’t slept together in weeks and Manuel is starting to get a little bent up to say the least. His friends tell him that he should cheat but Manuel wont. It doesn’t Make thing easier that his sister in law is one Riley Steele and she comes over all the time. What Manuel doesn’t know is that Kayden is a porn star and from what we later find out it’s a family business. Kayden has been trying to keep this from Manuel by maintaining a separate persona, but what will happen once Manuel finds out?
Favorite Scene-The scene between Manuel and Kayden Cross can be summed up in one word passion, These two tear into each other like they haven’t ever had sex. Manuel pretty much devours Kayden and she acts like she is loving every minute. They get rough with each other with a little choking here and a little slapping there. Moments like this just up the intensity of the scene. These two just can’t get enough of each other and there chemistry is outstanding this was the perfect couple for this movie.
1-Plot Hole-The husband works for a cyber nanay company and has never stumbled across his wives pictures. This either says thathe is not that good at his job or his wife isn’t that good of a porn star.
Bonus Feature-There is a Behind the Scenes feature that runs about ten minutes. While its not long it does show the cast having fun and everyone is pretty open with the camera. I also didn’t know that this was Kayden Kross first movie with digital playground.
Overall- I would like to have seen the story go a little further while the scenes were great it didn’t really play up the whole double life for Kayden or the temptation that her husband is going through. This is a good feature for a couple to watch because its not to hardcore but the scenes between the Smiths come off very passionate and exciting,
Score-6-This is a nice rent to try and win the significant other over to the porno side. The BTS keeps it from being a average flick, but with no real craziness in the scenes it can get pretty tame at times.
Anything directed by Kevin Smith I will watch. He’s not always right on target, but he is always controversial. In Red State a couple horny teenagers answer a woman looking for sex, only to find out its a trap. I’m not going to give away the rest because it would spoil the movie if you plan on watching it. I will say that if you love or hate Religious Zealots, it’s a must see. Although the movie starts off strong and has a great idea brewing, it’s doesn’t hold us until the end. There are laborious, ponderous scenes of a ranting/preaching pastor that you really want to fast forward through.
When you get near the end there is an amazing happening that instead of the supernatural ending you hope for turns out to be a no where near believable fabricated prank.
Coulda been a lot better.
6 outta 10
The Flying Pink Pig 2
Review by Greg Chapman
Directed by Erica Mclean
Cal Vista & Cheeky Monkey Productions
Alexis Texas, Sunny Lane, Nicki Hunter, Cytherea, Mika Kim
Breanna Sparks, Tessa Taylor, Lee Bang, Dale Dabone, TJ Cummings
Tyler Knight, Jerry
In this era of endless inane xxx television show parodies,and movie spoofs, this is a nice change of pace. It’s the second installment of the first “food truck” parody. Now that’s something I can get into, food and porn, who couldn’t?
If you live in the L.A. area or have visited you may have experienced the food truck phenomena, and if not, you’re missing out on some great mobile grub. The food truck concept is pretty self-explanatory, but there are dozens of trucks roaming around the city of angels and now all over the country thanks to reality t.v. There are a myriad of varieties offering delicacies and specialties unique to each. The truck in this flick serves up hot sex with horny gals featuring a solid cast of big name performers like Alexis Texas, Sunny Lane, and Nikki Hunter providing the well filmed filthy frolicking from Erica Mclean. Most notably, Cytherea makes another great appearance in her return to porn plus a stand out performance from a now brown-haired Tessa Taylor steals the show. I’m not going to get into the minutiae of the plot and sex, because it’s up to you to discover that on your own, so indulge your senses in this one of a kind parody.
The Devil in Miss Jones: The Resurrection
Reviewer- Pornoissuer & twitter.com/pornoissuer
Movie Company & website-Vivid &Vivid.com
Movie Title-The Devil in Miss Jones: The Resurrection
Cast-Belladonna, Savanna Samson, Penny Flame, Rebecca Linares, Victoria Sin, Carmella Bing, Evan Stone, Steven St.Croix, Tom Byron, Nick Manning, Kurt Lockwood, And James Bartholet
Type of Movie-Feature/Remake
Description-This feature follows Melinda Jones(Belladonna) a up and coming journalist who just wants to make a name for herself. She is brought to the attention of Pandora(Savanna Samson) who would like her to write for her paper. Melinda starts to realize that all isn’t what its seems at the Pandora compound and the further she goes for Pandora the more of herself she looses to the sin and seduction around her. The story is one of power, greed, lust, and corruption and shows just how far some are willing to go to make it.
Favorite Scene-Now this time I might be cheating but my favorite scene was the one between Belladonna and Penny Flame AND Tom Byron, Penny Flame, and Victoria Sin. Okay let me explain the way this scene was shot is probably what made me like it so much. It worked as a flashback of sorts and while Penny Flame is describing what Tom Byron did to her on Belladonna the scene would jump back to what was really going on the first time they got together. The scene was also great because of the amount of dirty talk and how Penny is pretty much converting Belladonna over to the side of the whores. Once the scene with Penny, Tom and Victoria ends you still get to watch the rest of scene play out between Penny and Belladonna. It was like getting two for one and both were great.
1-The Sex- In a movie about the devil you can expect that things were going to get raunchy, nothing was really sacred in this one and I loved every minute of it. There was ass play, rimming on both men and woman, bondage and spit as far as the eye could see. Each scene was long and different and never got to repetitive or boring.
2-The Cast-Usually when I talk about the cast I am referring to the women, but in this one every one played their part great. From the sly reverend played by Evan Stone to the imposing man servant played by Nick Manning who by the way still managed to get his trademark dropping loads into the movie. The best had to be Tom Byron as the preacher and Penny Flame as the Violet. These two spewed off thing that would make the average porn watcher flinch but they get into it so much that you say aw hell go with it. Never thought the casting out of the demons could be so sexy.
1-Length Between Scenes- While I loved the fact this flick ran for almost 3 hours and the story was very good lets not forget that this is still an adult film and the length of time between the first and second scene was almost an hour. The story luckily was intriguing but that just seems like to much time to me.
2-The Ending-While there is a lot of time given for setup the end for this one kinda seemed rushed and because of that a lot of what is going on in the end gets lost in translation. Not so much that you cant enjoy the end but enough that you might find yourself saying WTH just happened.
Bonus Feature-There was a Behind the Scenes feature which ran for about thirty minutes which unlike a lot of other ones that have reviewws this one focused a little more on the technical side of things. You actually see the type of cameras being used hooked up and Belladonna getting her micing done. I always like to learn more and more about the industry so this one was a nice treat. There was also a bonus scene from The New Devil In Miss Jones featuring Jenna Jameson and Savanna Stern. It was a cool way to pay homage to the other remake and it was a pretty hot scene.
Overall- For someone that has seen both the original DMJ and the 2005 remake I was pleasantly surprised at how good this one was. The story was really good, the cast phenomenal, and the sex was what you would want in a feature like this raunchy and uninhibited.
Score-8-This one is a buy!