Archive for the ‘Life Experience’ Category
I absolutely love being a porn star, and living in San Diego. Yes, the porn
world is focused around the San Fernando Valley area northwest of Los
Angeles, which for many years has caused me to put up with the drive to and
from there for shoots. I’m now into my 19th year of being an adult film
performer, so I’ve driven a lot to Los Angeles and back to San Diego.
Because of piracy, filming has slowed to a trickle of what it was in years
past, so while the number of trips has ebbed the drive remains arduous. I’m
fortunate to escape Los Angeles after shoots, meetings, and social events to
go home to SAN DIEGO. Whew!
I have no reason to badmouth Los Angeles, other than the constant heavy
traffic 24-7. In fact, I’ve gotten lots of great sex there “working with”
beautiful porn girls, and was well paid for doing so. I have many friends
and acquaintances there, as well as sexually-related memories that are hard
to believe that they really happened, rather than being just another of the
many sex dreams I so often have (I hate waking up in the middle of the night
needing to empty my bladder, but having to first stand in front of the
toilet coaxing my erection to soften so I can better aim my Irish-Italian
penis into the toilet). Sometimes, to get back to sleep I use a
“masturbation” pill, i.e., my hand. To me, the next best thing to hot sex is
the safe sex of masturbation in my condo of 20 years where the San Diego
weather is relatively nice, the girls are beautiful, and the groupie coeds
are all over the city. In this election season, I vote “YES” on SAN DIEGO!
Do I dream a lot about sex? Yup, indeed I do. I also often dream about my 25
years in the U.S. Army, and some of those dreams seem so real that I feel
like I’m still on active duty. Runs and fun associated with the Hash House
Harriers running club make up some of my dreams, and of course
family-related dreams abound, too. Likewise, swinging enters into my
favorite dreams, as well. A LOT of swinging happens in guess where—that’s
right, SAN DIEGO!
Today, San Diego had its first rain in the last five months. The normally
nice weather brings out lots of females, especially along the massive beach
areas. I love to be fantasizing about some past sex-related happening, only
to have my eyes unexpectedly diverted to some present sights of nearby
female flesh in skimpy bikini wear. I love living in SAN DIEGO.
The military population of San Diego is high, both in service members and
families. I am thankful to the military, and appreciate them being here.
When I’m at one of the many military bases, I feel especially happy. I can
leave my car unlocked and/or the windows rolled down without giving it a
second thought. Military people are genuinely pleasant and helpful, and I’ve
noted over the years that the civilian employees seem to have picked up
those fine attributes. Everyone cares. The city looks out for its citizens,
including its military population, and people seem content and thankful to
live in SAN DIEGO.
Almost every day, I continue to do my brisk walks at the beach “boardwalk”.
Over the 23 years of living here, I’ve built up to at least 30-miles a week,
plus doing some of the almost daily Hash House Harrier runs where we call
ourselves beer-drinkers with a running problem. Quite often, our community
minded female runners deal with daily stress by flashing their breasts
during the runs, and at the finish location where food and beverages are
available. You know what rocks? SAN DIEGO.
I love this city, the people, the scenery, the weather, the cleanliness, and
the relaxed living so much that I recently signed a contract and started
pre-paying for my funeral and burial to be in San Diego where a beautiful
new Veterans National Cemetery has opened not far from the end of the Marine
Air Station runway. Now, if only I could figure out a way to periodically
rise from the dead to service the groupie coeds, and the swinger ladies here
in SAN DIEGO.
Time jets by and, before we know it, Xmas music will again be heard in the
malls and on the radios. I know how constantly busy many of you are in your
daily lives, but I urge you to take some spur-of-the-moment time to relax,
de-stress, and do nothing. Sex is a great way to relieve stress, obtain
follow-on focus, and to just service your individual desires. Bottom line,
be nice to yourself, smile happily within yourself, and experience the joy
of being nice to others. Oh, just because summer is over, don’t forget to
STILL use sun block outdoors.
Pornstar in his head but bad in bed
Two pornstars are doing their bit to show what real sex is as opposed to the sex that we see in hardcore porn. Find out who they are here.
by Jon Tribb of http://elexismonroefanclub.tumblr.com/archive
Ladies have any of the following things happened to you in the bedroom?
He offers little physical closeness all he wants is to be inside you and in several different positions.
He’d rather come on your face than inside you.
He wants both of you to drown each others naughty bits in spit.
He wants your beaver scalped despite the pain and discomfort that may cause.
He wants to go straight in the back door without even knocking first.
He’s not interested in talking about likes and dislikes.
He’ll start calling you a whore and worse without asking if you’re into dirty talk.
He’s more interested in getting straight down to business than foreplay.
He show little or no interest in your clit or getting you off by stimulating it.
He thinks you like gagging on his cock.
These are all signs that your man belongs to the generation that got their sex education from watching hardcore porn. Proper sex education at home or in the education system is still something that’s sadly lacking.
Cindy Gallop , a businesswoman in her early 50′s , knows these bedroom problems at firsthand. She has a stable of studs in their early 20′s that she’s had to train as lovers.
She decided to create in 2008 a site called Make Love Not Porn to expose the myths of hardcore porn. Readers were asked to post their own submissions and it’s clear that there are many,many more myths to dispel.
Ms Gallop’s solution was to created the recently launched Make Love Not Porn TV. She wants to show how couples really make love to each other and not for the camera.
If this interests you it will cost $5 to submit a video for approval. If accepted it will cost $5 for members to rent it. Profits are shared fifty fifty.
The site is still in the Beta Version. There are already 13 videos ready for viewing. One of the is with Danny Wylde and his girlfriend Lily Labeau.
Ms Gallop’s mission is to have recordings of what goes on in the real world. She wants eventually funny videos as sex can of course be funny. She also wants videos showing the akwardness of sex including bodily functions such as queefing and fanny farts. Sex during periods want be forgotten either and she hopes to show blood and men pulling tampax out by the string…..
Make Love Not Porn
Make Love Not Porn TV
NO TWILIGHT FOR THE PORN INDUSTRY by Jon Tribb of http://elexismonroefanclub.tumblr.com/archive
After watching Louis Theroux’s pessimistic portrait of the porn industry it was refreshing to listen to Kate Darling give a more balanced and optimistic perspective . I was also pleased to find that there was another young academic who was prepared to treat the industry with the respect that it deserves and as a serious subject for study rather than demonizing it with the same trite platitudes. Kate just gives an outline here but we’ll post a link to her article when it’s published.
1 Kate can you please introduce yourself?
I’m an Intellectual Property researcher. Currently, I’m employed as a Research Specialist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) Media Lab and am finishing a Ph.D. at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology (ETH).
2 How did you become interested in doing research in the adult industry?
I’ve always been fascinated with copyright policy and economics, in particular the relationship between law and innovation. The adult industry is notoriously innovative, and it’s going through the same technological disruption as other entertainment industries in the Internet age. So I wondered how it was dealing with the issues. When I looked for research on the subject, I couldn’t find very much, so I decided to do it myself.
3 What were people’s reactions when you said you wanted to do this?
Mixed. In my academic field, many were supportive of the idea from a research perspective, but I was repeatedly warned that I may not be taken seriously (or could even ruin my career) because of the subject matter.
4 Why do you think there are few academics that that want to research this subject?
Probably because of social stigma. There’s been some academic work on the societal issues surrounding adult content, but only few have looked at the industry from a more value-neutral, economic perspective. Some might shy away because they worry about being labeled as endorsing porn (which is not always socially accepted), or being seen as consumers.
5 Was it easy to make contact with people in the industry and who did you speak to?
It wasn’t very difficult. People were willing to talk to me and most were very supportive and helpful. Because I was interested in content production, I spoke with many of the large producers and some of the middle-sized and smaller companies. I also talked to lawyers and industry specialists.
6 Can you tell us some of the industry’s technology and new media firsts?
The adult industry is said to have driven the adoption of many new media formats, including the paperback book, cable television, VHS, the Internet, and more. It also pioneered important online technology, such as secure payment systems and high-definition streaming video.
7 Why is the industry always in the forefront of technology?
I think it’s for a variety of reasons. Adult entertainment has always been in tremendous demand. Also, many new media formats have increased privacy and convenience, which is something that consumers value highly. Another reason may be that the adult industry has never really had the option of fighting technological change. Despite being such a large business, it receives very little support from legislators. Experienced players in the industry are so accustomed to dealing with restrictions and red tape that they waste very little time complaining about new realities and instead focus their energy on adjusting to them. So while the market incumbents in other industries traditionally turn to law enforcement and lobbying to try to prevent new technologies from disrupting their business models, the adult industry has been more likely to take the other path: adaptation.
8 Can you tell us about some of the early attempts to fight piracy?
So far as I can tell there were a variety of different attempts, but using the legal system was generally difficult, especially in the early days of online piracy. Many adult companies did not have the capacity to comprehensively track down violations and engage in legal action. But even those that had the means felt that relying on litigation was not a good option. Back in the 90s, companies like Playboy started coming up with creative ideas on how to harness piracy as a marketing tool, using it to strengthen their brand and generate traffic to their sites. While there have always been attempts from the industry to enforce copyright protection through the legal system, many realized early on that this would not be enough and that they would need to come up with new business models in order to survive.
9 What can you tell us about consumer habits for porn?
I think they’re slightly different from consumer habits for other entertainment goods. For example in that consumers value privacy more. Or in the different ways that people consume. Someone might visit the iTunes store to download a specific music album that they will listen to later, whereas for porn they may be more likely to want to browse non-specifically, and then consume immediately. Demand for porn is also said to be more inelastic than for other entertainment goods. I would love to see more research on this subject – especially now that there are new ways to track and collect relevant data.
10 What new technologies is the industry moving into and what are the advantages and disadvantages?
A lot has yet to be seen, but the industry will probably explore any new technologies that offer experience and convenience to consumers, such as the mobile market, cloud services, games, interactive experiences, etc. For example, adult companies Pink Visual and MiKandi have just reported to be brainstorming uses for Google’s Project Glass. The advantages are that experiences are difficult to “copy”, and that consumers are willing to pay for convenience. But while demand for porn is high, the industry is at a comparative disadvantage when it comes to legal and social restrictions. Bans of adult-themed content (for instance from Apple apps or social media platforms), and being prevented from using mainstream marketing channels are just a few examples of the challenges that adult companies face.
11 Why is innovation better than the lawsuit and lobbying strategy?
I wouldn’t say it’s better in every case – sometimes a combination is optimal. Right now we’re experiencing a massive technological disruption: Because the architecture of the Internet is specifically designed for sharing digital files, it is at odds with our copyright system. People are breaking the law left and right and the legal system is struggling to deal with it. Trying to fight this as a content producer may be an uphill battle. As with previous technological disruptions, the companies that figure out ways to use this new architecture to their advantage rather than spend all of their resources trying to stop it are more likely to win in the end.
12 Whilst the demand for porn may be fairly recession proof the industry is suffering on a lot of fronts. Would you agree or disagree with Louis Theroux that we’re seeing a twilight of the porn industry?
I agree that there has been a lot of struggle and a lot of suffering, as tends to happen when worlds shift. Belts are clearly being tightened, and those clinging to old business models are dying, as well as some of those who unsuccessfully invest in new ideas. However, I don’t agree that the industry is “twilighting” – I think the industry is changing. In his Guardian piece, Theroux speaks of declining DVD sales and trying to beat illegal sites, but fails to note that many of the sites he is talking about are actually owned, curated, and monetized by large corporations that also deal in content production. There’s currently a lot of consolidation, vertical integration, and cross-subventioning within the business. The industry not only has a few beacons of hope in new ways of capitalizing on online technology, but also in the increasing social acceptance of sexual content. As the divide to mainstream entertainment diminishes, there may soon be new markets and opportunities to explore. Theroux is certainly right in that it’s no longer an industry flooded with new entrants that can “get rich quick”. But once the current dust settles, I think we will be left with some highly professional, smart, competitive players, and I think that they have a good shot at surviving, and even thriving.
13 I know that you’re also interested in robots. It’s predicted that in 50 years we’ll have the first robot sex workers. How do you feel about this?
It seems a fairly foreseeable development, and we should definitely begin discussing the societal implications sooner rather than later. Personally, I’m fascinated with all of the directions that social robotics is taking and truly hope we manage to develop sophisticated sex robots in less than 50 years!
Picking up the pieces #11
Turning a corner
It’s the beginning of April, much time has gone by since finding out about my Husbands 4 month affair and since November I have been taking a strong cocktail of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. These meds have not changed my mind, however they have calmed me down and let my anger subside enough to see the good things and the work he is doing to win me back and he is trying with all his being. So why am I still not quite there yet? Well it’s because I am hurt, deeply hurt. I never thought that he was capable of hurting me like this; I mean he once said I meant everything to him and he would always protect me and would make sure that nothing would ever happen to me as long as he could help it. So could he not help himself this time? That answer may never come and I just might have to deal with that fact.
So what am I waiting for? What am I looking for? What more does he have to do? Well if I could answer any of these questions I would, but I don’t have the answers either. I know those 17+ months ago, if it was me making the choice between fucking someone besides my husband behind his back and giving my heart to this person for 4 months it would have been a no brainier. I would have come to my Husband first and said “we have a major problem that needs to be addressed or we are doomed” It saddens me and breaks my heart every time I think about it, the choice he made was to hurt me not try to help us. I realize that it’s not that simple and that there was shit going on in his head, but this is my story and how I feel. His choice sucked and I can’t change that, all I can do is try my hardest to live with the hurt and hope that someday it stops hurting just enough to forgive.
To my Husbands credit he is trying his hardest to make up for what he has done (if that is possible) He plans things, he surprises me with flowers and tries to make even a night on the couch watching a movie feel good. Then the anger in me starts to flow up from the depths of my soul that says “why did it take you breaking my heart, to find out you love me” “did I really need to go through all this hurt?” For the most part we are getting along, we can share time together, we are going to counseling once a week and this therapist is tough we are doing the working. But only while in her office, the rest of the time we seem to be sliding by and ignoring the 500 lbs elephant in the room.
Recently we got into an argument about me talking to “people” on Face book and Twitter, I made the decision to suspend my Twitter account for the time being, before I did that a few people asked me a couple questions and I wanted to answer them now.
Q. “Are you staying just for the kids”?
A. Yes, they deserve me trying everything I can to keep the family together.
Q. “Why stay if you were hurt so bad”
A. I am staying for now, to see if I can get past the hurt
Q. “How are you really feeling”
A. That still changes day by day.
Q. “How is Hubby”
A. He calls it survival mode.
Q. “How are the kids?”
A. They are great, they both have birthdays in April and are still doing good in school.
I have been working on my own self image, when I found out about the affair I lost a since of myself and completely lost who I was. So I am trying to feel better about me, I can’t control what people do I can only control what I do. I have lost a significant amount of weight, working on losing a few more pounds. I turn 45 on May 1st and feel this will be a turning point in my life and the next 8 months will be the most important 8 months of my life.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, please leave any questions or comments and I will answer as best and as fast as I can.
You can read all the other sections of this article by starting here- http://www.ladieznight.com/4421/
The most unusual thing happened tonight and I thought I’d share it with you.
For about 2 months now, I have been feeding this wild little mouse who lived behind my 5′ tall abstract oil-painting titled “Le Poulbot”.
I named him “The General”.
He loved blueberries, raisins, peanut-butter on toast, strawberries,chips, raspberries, crackers, lasagna and sunflower seeds.
Tonight, he went scampering across my coin bag and charged into the kitchen for a romp.
Then I heard Mael Duin, the cat pounce and I ran into the kitchen & he had The General in his mouth!!! I grabbed Maell Duin by the scruff of his fur and pried his jaw opened and rescued The General.
I put The General back behind the painting and fed Mael Duin some soft cat food and patted him.
THEN, as I was sitting on my bed, The General came out from behind the painting and walked right up to me!
I put my hand out and he jumped into it. He stayed with me for HOURS.
I laid down on the bed and had a nap and The General had a nap too on my shoulder. When I woke up, I fed him a fresh raspberry and some toast. We hung out for hours; did a photo-shoot, made a video, then, as I continued to draw out the preliminary sketch for my new painting with my legs crossed, he sat on my ankle.
Then suddenly, The General had what I believe was a heart attack and suddenly died! I tried to do a little mini CPR with the chest pumping and such but it was too late. He was gone
I examined his body and he had some red (blood) on his paw and I noticed his fur was matted from where Mael Duin had grabbed him in The Attack. (Mael Duin’s looking at me now and looks guilty.But I told him it’s not his fault…his blood lust seems to be a built in “cat”-feature) I’ll post photos of the encounter.
I find the whole thing very magical. That mouse KNEW I saved his life and he clearly came to me for protection and because he KNEW I love him…came to die with a friend. Now, don’t go saying “Denise -that was a filthy mouse and they chew the wires.” That mouse was fresh as a daisy. His fur smelled like clean sheets off the clothes-line and no wires have ever been chewed in this house.
I know HE knew I was the one feeding him cuz I saw him see ME giving him a blueberry…but never before has he ever come UP to me. This was a real life miracle and I am grateful for this magical experience! Makes me see the deeper side of this LIFE and our relationship with our animal friends. I loved that mouse; friendliest mouse I ever met…and I still love Mael Duin the cat. note to self: Buy the cat some more gourmet cat food so he doesn’t continue to hanker for a mouse.
I was sad that he died but I was happy that he decided to come and spend his final hours
Was the cutest thing I ever experienced.
Cindi says-I put out a call on Twitter to hear from porn star’s biggest fans. Here’s my first post with the answers I received. This is from a young lady who goes by JC fan and loves Johnny Castle.
Dear Ms Loftus,
Someone I follow recently re-tweeted you when you inquired about Top Fans. I don’t consider myself “top” necessarily, but I thought I’d try writing anyways.
I am, as the email suggests, a fan of straight male pornstar Johnny Castle. I started my blog almost a year ago (March 14 will be the anniversary!) and it has evolved into something I never envisioned or could have dreamed of back when I made it. I just wanted a place to be able to gush about Johnny because nobody in my real life knows I crush on a pornstar, let alone WATCH porn! But the blog became so much more: it became a place for me to vent frustrations at how male talent (especially Johnny) is treated by the industry, to vent my frustrations on how I am treated as a straight female porn fan, and most surprising, it became a place for fellow fans to come and explore their own desires and become more comfortable in their “porn fan” status
I had tried watching porn several times before I discovered Johnny in late 2010, but I never came across anything that really “did it” for me. The scenes were always too cheesy or too hardcore, and the male talent in the scene did absolutely NOTHING for me. Not only did I keep coming across older males, but they didn’t have particularly attractive faces or fit bodies either. To be honest, I was very confused as to why anybody would want to watch these men have sex. And it was super frustrating because I’d see preview photos and pictures of gay sex scenes and THOSE guys were SUPER attractive lol. But I couldn’t find any straight guys like that … til one day I came across a scene called “Massage Creep” and I saw Johnny Castle.
From the first second I saw his handsome face, I was hooked. And the massage scene was great for my first time watching him because there was a lot of focus on his sexy hands (I LOVE masculine, big hands) and he took his time with his co-star, and I just loved the way the whole scene progressed and went down. Speaking of which, when HE went down on his co-star? I had NEVER seen a man so enthusiastic and into what he was doing! His eyes kept going to her face as if he was making sure she was enjoying herself. And then he took his clothes off and YOWSA! Honestly, he is THE example of physical male perfection. Michaelangelo’s David would be and should be jealous. What I say on my blog all the time is, his body is WHAT? SICK’NING! Because it is. For ME, he is the PERFECT level of developed. Just the tiniest bit more and he’d be too muscular for me, but as he is? Perfect And then when I started my Twitter account and tweeted at his co-stars looking for comments on their experiences with him, I started to discover that he is not only sexy & a fantastic person to WORK with, but also a very humble, secretly funny guy who is very considerate of & sweet to his co-stars. The more I learned about him from others, the more I realized that the dude behind “Johnny Castle” was also a great guy, and that just cemented my fan status
So here I am, almost a year into my blog, hoping to be around for as long as I can to continue to keep my fellow fans aware of his work and where they can see him, as well as just openly enjoy him and give my fellow fans a place to feel comfortable enjoying him as well.
I’m not sure what it was you were looking for and maybe I don’t fit the bill, but I thought I’d drop you a line and check.
Thanks for your time,
check out JC Fan’s blog here http://johnnycastlefan.tumblr.com
And if you want to write me about your favorite porn star send an email to Cindi@lukeisback.com
What a Porn Girl Learned from a Wing Girl
by Lainie Speiser
Come February 25 I will have worked behind the scenes in the adult industry as a publicist for 21 years so I think it’s safe to say I know a lot about what men want. I have also written six books, mainly books for couples counseling them on how to spice up their sex lives or how to give your man a killer blow job. I like to think I know what really lurks in the hearts of all men, no matter what they outwardly say to everybody else. It’s my job to get their attention, turn them on and make them stay interested in the product that I am selling, that product being sex and sensuality.
But dating and relationships, that’s different. I myself don’t like to date and neither do many of the women who work in front of the camera in my industry. We give so much of ourselves on a day to day basis, when it comes to our own personal time we tend to skip the little steps and go straight to the relationship. Sure we do some initial dating rituals like going out to dinner, the conversations, the flirting and so forth. But basically we are women who think we know what we want right away and once we see that we go straight to the shack-up. Sometimes the result can be disastrous the guy turns out to be some kind of phony or scoundrel, but a lot of times we ourselves wake up in bed, turn over, look at our snoring partner and just think, “God what was I thinking of I gotta get out of this pronto.” And we do just that.
So when I started working with Wing Woman Marni Kinrys who is a dating coach to men literally all over the world on a writing project I was intrigued and admittedly challenged. Writing about the whole Boy-Meets-Girl thing isn’t the same as writing about how to explore your submissive side in a role play fantasy. This is about making the first initial connection with someone on more than a sexual level. This is good old-fashioned romance and even a porn peddler wants to know if it’s possible to get the person you really want and find dare I say it? True love! This is for people who are not in the adult industry, The Civilians, as we sometimes call the rest of you. But just because we sell lust for a living it doesn’t mean that we don’t want the same things that you do. A special someone who understands you, knows what you’re thinking of and thinks of you after you’ve had a hard day and calls you to see if you’re doing alright. Sex is very important to me, but these things, they’re pretty damn good too.
It’s not that me and my colleagues in the adult industry don’t believe in romance. On the contrary we are suckers for it. We sell fantasy for a living and we dream big. But we are what I learned from Marni’s Wing Girl materials we are “Pouncers.” We meet someone we like and right away we pounce, not just in the bedroom, but get ourselves intertwined with someone we don’t know all that well because we’ve worked it out in our own mushy minds what this relationship is going to be without asking ourselves if this is the right person, and the person we really want. Usually when we find this out we’re in deep and it can get a little sticky to get the heck out. There’s usually some pain and a lot of drama and in the end we’re so embarrassed we don’t want to even think about how we got into it in the first place. The combination of horny and lonely can be a very intoxicating cocktail and when you wake up from your black out, well you can feel mighty rough.
Although I’m currently single I definitely meet a lot of people and go out on a fair share of the dreaded dates. Dating men who are in the mainstream entertainment industry is always good because they aren’t so threatened by my books, my porn star clients and wacky lifestyle. But this can have its hazards too, you end up dating lots of egomaniacs who talk about themselves non-stop and almost try to compete with you on the accomplishments. So bizarrely you become rivals of sorts and that’s not good. When I date people who have regular jobs they tend to be a little too enthralled and somewhat intimidated and don’t talk about themselves much at all because they think they’re boring, they are bored with their lives themselves and say so. That’s sort of a turn-off as I’ve never thought my job made me interesting, but my off-beat way of thinking did. Or they think because I must meet a lot of scummy men that they have to be extra “nice” which I like most women interpret as a man who is a total pussy. Those are the guys that get stuck in “The Friend Zone” which Marni covers a lot in her coaching. And I learned that all women, not just women who work in porn, want a man who takes charge by planning the dates, taking initiative and making us feel pretty and feminine.
Working on a project with Marni called “What the F do Women Want” became a weird and at times uncomfortable “This is Your Dating Life” journey for me. I was reading about men who talk too much about their pasts, men who are charming but can’t go past the jokey banter thing to real substance, men who are scared to touch and men who are creepy touchy/feely way too fast. I read about men who don’t understand that texting a new lady at 11pm on a weeknight makes a woman feel cheap and men who call an hour after they’ve met us and scare us away. Men who psyche themselves out because they don’t think they’re cool or good looking enough and men who think they’re too cool and good looking and think we should do all the chasing. I’ve had them all, and admittedly since it takes two to tango I’ve been at fault in stepping on a foot here and there in the man-woman dance. As I would take notes and listen to Marni’s audio my eyes got a much clearer perspective on things.
I recently met a man on Match.com. Yes I went on Match. I wanted to meet different types of men and break some of my old patterns that clearly are not working for me. Perhaps spending time with Marni and talking to her on the phone a lot had something to do with that. Not much was catching my interest but one man did, Peter, I will call him here. Peter is my type, a tall, blue-eyed, boyishly handsome older guy with a conservative job and some conservative outlooks on life, but funny and eccentric like me, and yes definitely sexy. Peter and I were talking online for a spell and when I asked him what he was looking for on Match he went on a long diatribe about all the women he met, what they looked like, how old they were, what had happened. It didn’t offend me but it didn’t make me feel wanted either. Plus, he didn’t actually answer the question. It felt like half a brag and half a women are nuts kind of conversation. Then he asked me if I was free on New Year’s so he could check me out and “kick the tires.” I did have plans on New Year’s with friends, and I told him this. I also told him what I thought of his lengthy descriptions of his love life and wasn’t sure if he was truly interested in me and who I showed him I was at this point. Peter surprised me with a phone call that night and he said, “I’m sorry I talk too much sometimes without thinking. I am very interested in you. I think you’re pretty and smart and we like a lot of the same things. I would love to meet you and take you out I think we would have a good time.”
I phoned Marni about it and she said she was proud at how I handled Peter, and was even more delighted when I told her that we were going out for the first time that Saturday night to a cigar bar and then dinner. I realized in the past I would have either smart-mouthed the guy hard and alienated him without thinking, or I wouldn’t have bothered with him at all. But I didn’t do either and after another phone conversation where he told me he went to his Godfather’s memorial service the same day I went to my Uncle Freddy’s funeral and we had decent connection going, I realized what men really want is for women to nicely tell them what they want. Not just what we want, but what we don’t want. What we like and what we don’t like. If he doesn’t care, he’s probably an asshole and move on. But for the most part I’ve come away with that men are a lot more open to kind suggestion than we think, and just because they are perceived as the stronger sex it doesn’t mean that we can’t gently steer to show them what makes us tick.
And Peter and I are going on date number four this weekend. What will happen, it’s too soon to say and if nothing at all happens that’s cool too. But it just goes to show a Wing Girl can teach a Porn Girl some new tricks.
Picking up the pieces # 10 ~ The end of 2011
Today is December 31, 2011 it has been exactly 11 months to the day that I found out that my Husband was having an affair. In the last 11 months I have never been through such a fire storm of emotions. From hated to despair, from anger to desperation. Unfortunately the good emotions like “love” and “forgiveness” have not surfaced. Tomorrow is January 1, 2012; the thought of leaving 2011 brings tears to my eyes. I have never wanted a year to be over and done with more in my life. Normally this time of year all the news shows have the segments that look back at year and I just can’t, this has been the worst year of my life and don’t want to remember any of it. However if I just completely forget, will we ever learn from our mistakes?
I have not written for a long time, this fall and winter have been very tough on me. My Husband’s affair happened between the beginning of October 2010 through January 2011. So looking back at all the times he was “out” and now that I have most of the information and dates, the anniversary dates have been like living through it even though it was a year ago. I hope I am making sense. My anger has kept me from seeing anything good in him or us.
The week following Christmas he calls a fantastic week of bonding, when all it was was us being able to be in the same room making small talk, playing a new game on the Wii and of course sex several times during the week. We had one talk and that was Christmas night, after a major what has become known as a “flare up” where I become very down and then something that is either said or done triggers a highly emotional state. I no longer want to try, I no longer want to be married, and I just end up crying for hours feeling lost and depressed. Then we go through a week or so of calm and then it happens again. So the trigger this week is really hard to explain, as I said when I started writing this it was December 31, 2011 sometime in the morning, I stopped because I had stuff that needed to get done. I was feeling a little down, but I didn’t give it much thought. We had dinner, I have not been eating much lately in fact if I eat 1 meal a day I am doing good. I have recently been put on a cocktail of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication.
So its New Years Eve and the kids wanted to stay up until midnight and we had bought sparkling apple cider, at 15 minuets to midnight my husband poured everyone a glass of cider and I put mine down and went to the bathroom. Before I knew it I was lying on the floor crying, I could hear my step son ask his dad where did I go and his answer was I am not sure. He didn’t even bother to come and see if I was ok, at some point I called out his name and he finally came I was crying uncontrollably and told him I couldn’t go back in with the kids and ran upstairs as the kids counted down to 2012. I couldn’t celebrate the end of 2011, even with my kids. This year has almost killed me, and if any of you think I am being over dramatic. I have been told that the act of infidelity is as close to the same pain as losing a child, please if anyone who is reading this has lost a child I am truly sorry I am just quoting from the books and from the PhD’s that I have consulted with. After midnight I listened to my Husband put our kids to bed, he came into our bedroom to find me again on the floor crying I couldn’t stop and of course all he ever says is I am sorry you are in so much pain. I told him how he has ruined every Holiday, Thanksgiving sucked because I have all the proof of the texts between the two of them, Christmas sucked for the same reason, and last New Years Eve we had too much to drink and I passed out at 11:30, only later to find out that as soon as that happened he was on the phone with her.
Last week I gave him the title of a book, I found this book on line while doing research about healing from affairs. I found it months ago and kept it wondering if he was doing any of the same research. He is the computer guy, he is way better at using Google then I am and I asked him if he is looking up stuff and he said yes. Well I guess he is not, I am the one that has found every book every article. The one article he sent me, was a daily email that I signed him up to that I also get. But yet he still says he is doing everything “right” everything he “can” I says he has read half the book now, even though I have not actually seen that and I consistently hear how busy he is at work so I am not sure when this reading is taking place. He has yet to discuss anything he has learned from the book. All he said was I now realize what I was doing wrong in the beginning, ok so what was that and what are you doing different now? He barely says anything, he says to me is there anything you need to talk about? Why can’t he talk to me for a change? Why is it up to me to start a conversation?
So today January 1, 2012 I spent sitting in a chair barely saying anything to anyone, at 11:00pm he says to me “I am tired, I want to go to bed. Do you want to come?” I said no, I thought at some point we would talk, but since your tired and would rather sleep then by all means go to bed. Of course he then said he was willing to talk, but you know what I am always the second choice not the first. Had he said would you like to talk, or would you like to go to bed? So much for a new year and a new way of doing things.
Tomorrow we have an appointment with a new therapist, she was recommended by the therapist I have been seeing on my own. I have no hopes that a new therapist is what we need. I truly believe that he thinks as long as he says he loves me that his job is done. I am sure if you asked him he would disagree, but here it is 12:36am he is asleep and I am probably going to fall asleep in the same chair I have been sitting in most of the day and he will not notice until maybe around 6 when the kids alarm goes off.
I feel pathetic that I am so unable to move forward one way or another. Stay and learn to live with what has happened or leave and try to pull myself up and learn to be strong on my own. Throughout this entire time I have said I wanted to end my marriage but yet have not done it and that is because I am afraid. Not just for me, but for my children. I think about them and what it might do to them every day and I do not want my husband’s selfish choices to ruin their home.
Thank you all for taking the time to read, I welcome any comments and try to respond as quickly as I can.
You can also follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/MistressDesire
Happy New Year All
Author of Pieces
aka Mistress Desire
Read all of the Picking up the Pieces series here http://www.ladieznight.com/4421
by Lainie Spieser
Holiday Questions for a High-End Hooker
There’s a certain kind of hot, desperate horny that happens over the holiday season and it comes from being anxious, overwhelmed, drunk and lonely. I think people should have as much sex as possible this time of year if only to work off all those cookies and eggnog. It’s not the best time to start a new relationship though, not with New Year’s Eve around the corner. The last thing you want is even more pressure and more expectations and more disappointment. People who grab for a New Year’s Eve date are the same idiots who buy me scented soap for a gift, because they want to give me something just to give me something, but there’s no real thought or feeling behind it. Plus I really hate those scented soaps you’re better off getting me a three-pack of Oil of Olay Beauty Bars (Hint, Hint). But free-wheeling, spontaneous, sleazy and objectifying Holiday nookie is a great thing. An office holiday party just isn’t the same without a few crazy hook-ups. Nobody judges you; it’s your free pass to be naughty and nice with your co-worker and it’s never spoken of again. It’s Christmas, not Halloween, that’s really the time for sexual abandon.
So this made me think of my pal Alex Lieberman. For those who don’t know Alex Lieberman is a high-end escort living in Atlanta, GA. We met through mutual friends because when you’re a pornographer these are the kind of wonderful people you meet through mutual friends. Alex is a sexy, adorable, funny, petite, Jewish brunette with the cutest little voice and an infectious laugh. She turned me on to her hilarious blog www.alexthereluctantescort.com and soon after began writing articles for Penthouse Magazine. She’s got a great one in the January issue on sale right now called, “Honey Do, Honey Don’t” about the things men feel more comfortable asking professional ladies like Alex to do that they’d rather not ask of their wives and girlfriends. It’s a hilarious and informative piece for both men and women, but when discussing the article Alex and I both agreed, more than anything in the world men just want their penis to be sucked. Like David Bowie and Bing Crosby crooning “The Little Drummer Boy” together, Alex and I another dynamic duo know the classics never go out of style.
So while shopping for both Christmas and Hanukah gifts for my nephews (the lucky little bastards have a Christian daddy and a Jewish Mommy) I thought of Alex because I wondered how business is for her during the holiday season. Are there more Jewish customers than Gentiles? Does she give any holiday rates to poor, lonely shmucks or pissed-off divorced Dad who spent a fortune on kids who don’t even appreciate it? I needed to know so I asked the beautiful and intelligent escort and these are her answers.
Is business slower or busier during the holiday season?
I would say slower. The business traveler goes away during the holiday season as well the “play money” my clients usually have to spend to get into my stockings is now being spent stuffing someone else’s.
Is there any kind of holiday kinky sex you’ve experienced?
Does sucking a piece of candy cane during a blow job count?
Do you have more Jewish customers on Christmas day or Christmas eve?
Are you kidding? Eve! I take Christmas off. I’m with the rest of the Jews at The Golden Dragon noshing on egg rolls and Mooshu Pork. YUM!
Do you offer a holiday special to men both in price or in sex?
AHHHHH. no. If anyone gets something special it is me…..and besides I’m not Macy’s or Black Friday, I don’t go on sale.
What is your New Years Resolution?
To never have suck a strange penis ever again….unless I want to of course.
To check out more on Alex Lieberman go to www.alexthereluctantescort.com or check out her latest article in the January ’12 issue of Penthouse Magazine now on sale at newsstands everywhere.
Welcome to writer Alex Lieberman! People can read her blog at www.alexthereluctantescort.com and she will have an article in the January ’11 issue of Penthouse Magazine on sale December 8th. Here is a piece Alex wrote called Super Whore-
By Alex Lieberman
Working at the boutique during the day and escorting at night was exhausting, but also exhilarating. I liked walking around the store listening to all my co-workers complain about simple lives and everyday problems while I giggled to myself.
I had a secret, a powerful secret. One that could destroy me and everything I had, but one that made me very special and different. I felt like I was a superhero in my own right – Retail Girl by day, Super Whore by night. You may laugh but there are a lot of similarities! We become stronger when we are on a mission to do good. Our costumes fit snug to our bodies underneath our civilian attire (Spandex , the choice fabric for superheroes and hookers alike.) We do a lot of our work horizontally, they fly, I lie. No one knows our true identity and when we leave the people we have helped they are smiling, relieved and thankful!
The only real difference is that the people I “helped” typically had to clean themselves after.
I was on a high. I was making money, more money per hour then I had ever made. But, it wasn’t just about the money. Andrea had been right – satisfying men sexually, taking their money and walking out the door knowing that I could care less if I ever laid eyes on them again, gave me a sense of empowerment. I was their fantasy and I could make them think I was really into them, but ultimately I had my Super Veil up and, unlike my labia, that shit couldn’t be pierced.
I could be whoever I wanted to be for those hours I was working as SW (super whore). I could be a law student doing this to put myself through school. A school teacher with a sex addiction, an actress, a high powered marketing consultant for Coca Cola… anything. I loved it! It’s amazing how good I was at lying about who I was, but how bad I was at lying about what I actually thought. Honesty is what made me great at selling clothes but it occasionally tripped me up in between the sheets.
Honesty was my Kryptonite.
I’m in the elevator. I have on a black trench, black dress pants, and a super starched white shirt. I looked great. Clark Kent had nothing on me. I also had a matching bra and panty set on underneath. My mother always told me to wear clean and matching underwear because you never know when you’re going to be in a car accident. Could she have been any more pessimistic? (Now that I think about it, I had no chance at a happy life. It wasn’t until The Secret came out that I discovered that positive thinking actually existed.)
I knocked on the hotel room door. Please, please don’t be fat I thought. The door opened…
UGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! He was, REAL fat. So much for The Secret.
I walked in and almost choked from the cologne he must have bathed in before I got there.
“I don’t mean to be rude but would you mind showering before we get started?” I asked.
“I showered right before you got here,” he said.
“I know but you apparently got a little over zealous with the cologne,” I thought while I felt my throat closing. Actually I wanted to say but didn’t. Instead, I said “ok” and went forth to get ready. When I came out of the bathroom he was sitting in the desk chair naked.
“Easy” was left at the door the second it was opened.
“Difficult “showed its face as well when I almost suffocated from the cologne.
“Repulsive” came out of nowhere and ran me over me like a Mac truck. How was I going to do this?
“Baby come over here and suck on Daddy’s lollipop,” he said.
Was he going to pick up the 40 stomachs he had so I could find it? And if he did what if he let them drop on me? I can read the headline now “Dead Hooker Found Suffocated in Businessman’s Stomach.” I could feel the honesty, the Kryptonite, flooding to the surface.
“Look sweetie, if you want to lie on the bed I will be happy to get you off with my hand but that is all that is going to happen here,” I said.
“But, your ad said GFE,” he whined.
“Yes and if my boyfriend ever gained as much weight as you he would be getting a hand job too.”
In the elevator once again… (yes he went for it, let’s just let that ugly experience die now…) I couldn’t believe it. I could actually set my own rules, set my own standards. Things just got better!!!!! After all, even when Superman saves the day sometimes the people he saves get a little scuffed up in the process. Nonetheless, they are always happy in the end.