Archive for the ‘Life Experience’ Category

Picking up the pieces # 10  ~ The end of 2011

Today is December 31, 2011 it has been exactly 11 months to the day that I found out that my Husband was having an affair. In the last 11 months I have never been through such a fire storm of emotions. From hated to despair, from anger to desperation. Unfortunately the good emotions like “love” and “forgiveness” have not surfaced. Tomorrow is January 1, 2012; the thought of leaving 2011 brings tears to my eyes. I have never wanted a year to be over and done with more in my life. Normally this time of year all the news shows have the segments that look back at year and I just can’t, this has been the worst year of my life and don’t want to remember any of it. However if I just completely forget, will we ever learn from our mistakes?

I have not written for a long time, this fall and winter have been very tough on me. My Husband’s affair happened between the beginning of October 2010 through January 2011. So looking back at all the times he was “out” and now that I have most of the information and dates, the anniversary dates have been like living through it even though it was a year ago. I hope I am making sense. My anger has kept me from seeing anything good in him or us.

The week following Christmas he calls a fantastic week of bonding, when all it was was us being able to be in the same room making small talk, playing a new game on the Wii and of course sex several times during the week. We had one talk and that was Christmas night, after a major what has become known as a “flare up” where I become very down and then something that is either said or done triggers a highly emotional state. I no longer want to try, I no longer want to be married, and I just end up crying for hours feeling lost and depressed. Then we go through a week or so of calm and then it happens again. So the trigger this week is really hard to explain, as I said when I started writing this it was December 31, 2011 sometime in the morning, I stopped because I had stuff that needed to get done. I was feeling a little down, but I didn’t give it much thought. We had dinner, I have not been eating much lately in fact if I eat 1 meal a day I am doing good. I have recently been put on a cocktail of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication.

So its New Years Eve and the kids wanted to stay up until midnight and we had bought sparkling apple cider, at 15 minuets to midnight my husband poured everyone a glass of cider and  I put mine down and went to the bathroom. Before I knew it I was lying on the floor crying, I could hear my step son ask his dad where did I go and his answer was I am not sure. He didn’t even bother to come and see if I was ok, at some point I called out his name and he finally came I was crying uncontrollably and told him I couldn’t go back in with the kids and ran upstairs as the kids counted down to 2012. I couldn’t celebrate the end of 2011, even with my kids. This year has almost killed me, and if any of you think I am being over dramatic. I have been told that the act of infidelity is as close to the same pain as losing a child, please if anyone who is reading this has lost a child I am truly sorry I am just quoting from the books and from the PhD’s that I have consulted with. After midnight I listened to my Husband put our kids to bed, he came into our bedroom to find me again on the floor crying I couldn’t stop and of course all he ever says is I am sorry you are in so much pain. I told him how he has ruined every Holiday, Thanksgiving sucked because I have all the proof of the texts between the two of them, Christmas sucked for the same reason, and last New Years Eve we had too much to drink and I passed out at 11:30, only later to find out that as soon as that happened he was on the phone with her.

Last week I gave him the title of a book, I found this book on line while doing research about healing from affairs. I found it months ago and kept it wondering if he was doing any of the same research. He is the computer guy, he is way better at using Google then I am and I asked him if he is looking up stuff and he said yes. Well I guess he is not, I am the one that has found every book every article. The one article he sent me, was a daily email that I signed him up to that I also get. But yet he still says he is doing everything “right” everything he “can” I says he has read half the book now, even though I have not actually seen that and I consistently hear how busy he is at work so I am not sure when this reading is taking place. He has yet to discuss anything he has learned from the book. All he said was I now realize what I was doing wrong in the beginning, ok so what was that and what are you doing different now? He barely says anything, he says to me is there anything you need to talk about? Why can’t he talk to me for a change? Why is it up to me to start a conversation?

So today January 1, 2012 I spent sitting in a chair barely saying anything to anyone, at 11:00pm he says to me “I am tired, I want to go to bed. Do you want to come?” I said no, I thought at some point we would talk, but since your tired and would rather sleep then by all means go to bed. Of course he then said he was willing to talk, but you know what I am always the second choice not the first. Had he said would you like to talk, or would you like to go to bed? So much for a new year and a new way of doing things.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with a new therapist, she was recommended by the therapist I have been seeing on my own. I have no hopes that a new therapist is what we need. I truly believe that he thinks as long as he says he loves me that his job is done. I am sure if you asked him he would disagree, but here it is 12:36am he is asleep and I am probably going to fall asleep in the same chair I have been sitting in most of the day and he will not notice until maybe around 6 when the kids alarm goes off.

I feel pathetic that I am so unable to move forward one way or another. Stay and learn to live with what has happened or leave and try to pull myself up and learn to be strong on my own. Throughout this entire time I have said I wanted to end my marriage but yet have not done it and that is because I am afraid. Not just for me, but for my children. I think about them and what it might do to them every day and I do not want my husband’s selfish choices to ruin their home.

Thank you all for taking the time to read, I welcome any comments and try to respond as quickly as I can.

You can also follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/MistressDesire

Happy New Year All

Author of Pieces

aka Mistress Desire

Read all of the Picking up the Pieces series here http://www.ladieznight.com/4421

by Lainie Spieser

Holiday Questions for a High-End Hooker

There’s a certain kind of hot, desperate horny that happens over the holiday season and it comes from being anxious, overwhelmed, drunk and lonely. I think people should have as much sex as possible this time of year if only to work off all those cookies and eggnog. It’s not the best time to start a new relationship though, not with New Year’s Eve around the corner. The last thing you want is even more pressure and more expectations and more disappointment. People who grab for a New Year’s Eve date are the same idiots who buy me scented soap for a gift, because they want to give me something just to give me something, but there’s no real thought or feeling behind it. Plus I really hate those scented soaps you’re better off getting me a three-pack of Oil of Olay Beauty Bars (Hint, Hint).  But free-wheeling, spontaneous, sleazy and objectifying Holiday nookie is a great thing. An office holiday party just isn’t the same without a few crazy hook-ups. Nobody judges you; it’s your free pass to be naughty and nice with your co-worker and it’s never spoken of again. It’s Christmas, not Halloween, that’s really the time for sexual abandon.

 

So this made me think of my pal Alex Lieberman. For those who don’t know Alex Lieberman is a high-end escort living in Atlanta, GA. We met through mutual friends because when you’re a pornographer these are the kind of wonderful people you meet through mutual friends. Alex is a sexy, adorable, funny, petite, Jewish brunette with the cutest little voice and an infectious laugh. She turned me on to her hilarious blog www.alexthereluctantescort.com and soon after began writing articles for Penthouse Magazine. She’s got a great one in the January issue on sale right now called, “Honey Do, Honey Don’t” about the things men feel more comfortable asking professional ladies like Alex to do that they’d rather not ask of their wives and girlfriends. It’s a hilarious and informative piece for both men and women, but when discussing the article Alex and I both agreed, more than anything in the world men just want their penis to be sucked. Like David Bowie and Bing Crosby crooning “The Little Drummer Boy” together, Alex and I another dynamic duo know the classics never go out of style.

 

So while shopping for both Christmas and Hanukah gifts for my nephews (the lucky little bastards have a Christian daddy and a Jewish Mommy) I thought of Alex because I wondered how business is for her during the holiday season. Are there more Jewish customers than Gentiles? Does she give any holiday rates to poor, lonely shmucks or pissed-off divorced Dad who spent a fortune on kids who don’t even appreciate it? I needed to know so I asked the beautiful and intelligent escort and these are her answers.

 

Is business slower or busier during the holiday season?

 

I would say slower. The business traveler goes away during the holiday season as well the “play money” my clients usually have to spend to get into my stockings is now being spent stuffing someone else’s.

 

Is there any kind of holiday kinky sex you’ve experienced?

 

Does sucking a piece of candy cane during a blow job count?

 

 

Do you have more Jewish customers on Christmas day or Christmas eve?

 

Are you kidding? Eve! I take Christmas off. I’m with the rest of the Jews at The Golden Dragon noshing on egg rolls and Mooshu Pork. YUM!

 

 

Do you offer a holiday special to men both in price or in sex?

 

AHHHHH. no. If anyone gets something special it is me…..and besides I’m not Macy’s or Black Friday, I don’t go on sale.

 

 

What is your New Years Resolution?

 

To never have suck a strange penis ever again….unless I want to of course.

To check out more on Alex Lieberman go to www.alexthereluctantescort.com or check out her latest article in the January ’12 issue of Penthouse Magazine now on sale at newsstands everywhere.

Welcome to writer Alex Lieberman!  People can read her blog at www.alexthereluctantescort.com and she will have an article in the January ’11 issue of Penthouse Magazine on sale December 8th. Here is a piece Alex wrote called Super Whore-

Super Whore
By Alex Lieberman

Working at the boutique during the day and escorting at night was exhausting, but also exhilarating.  I liked walking around the store listening to all my co-workers complain about simple lives and everyday problems while I giggled to myself.

I had a secret, a powerful secret. One that could destroy me and everything I had, but one that made me very special and different.  I felt like I was a superhero in my own right – Retail Girl by day, Super Whore by night.  You may laugh but there are a lot of similarities!   We become stronger when we are on a mission to do good.  Our costumes fit snug to our bodies underneath our civilian attire (Spandex , the choice fabric for superheroes and hookers alike.)  We do a lot of our work horizontally, they fly, I lie.  No one knows our true identity and when we leave the people we have helped they are smiling, relieved and thankful!

The only real difference is that the people I “helped” typically had to clean themselves after.

I was on a high. I was making money, more money per hour then I had ever made.  But, it wasn’t just about the money.  Andrea had been right – satisfying men sexually, taking their money and walking out the door knowing that I could care less if I ever laid eyes on them again, gave me a sense of empowerment.  I was their fantasy and I could make them think I was really into them, but ultimately I had my Super Veil up and, unlike my labia, that shit couldn’t be pierced.

I could be whoever I wanted to be for those hours I was working as SW (super whore).  I could be a law student doing this to put myself through school.  A school teacher with a sex addiction, an actress, a high powered marketing consultant for Coca Cola… anything.  I loved it!  It’s amazing how good I was at lying about who I was, but how bad I was at lying about what I actually thought.  Honesty is what made me great at selling clothes but it occasionally tripped me up in between the sheets.

Honesty was my Kryptonite.

I’m in the elevator.  I have on a black trench, black dress pants, and a super starched white shirt. I looked great.  Clark Kent had nothing on me.  I also had a matching bra and panty set on underneath. My mother always told me to wear clean and matching underwear because you never know when you’re going to be in a car accident.  Could she have been any more pessimistic?  (Now that I think about it, I had no chance at a happy life. It wasn’t until The Secret came out that I discovered that positive thinking actually existed.)

I knocked on the hotel room door.  Please, please don’t be fat I thought.  The door opened…

UGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! He was, REAL fat.  So much for The Secret.

I walked in and almost choked from the cologne he must have bathed in before I got there.

“I don’t mean to be rude but would you mind showering before we get started?” I asked.

“I showered right before you got here,” he said.

“I know but you apparently  got a little over zealous with the cologne,” I thought while I felt my throat closing.  Actually I wanted to say but didn’t.  Instead, I said “ok” and went forth to get ready.  When I came out of the bathroom he was sitting in the desk chair naked.

“Easy” was left at the door the second it was opened.

“Difficult “showed its face as well when I almost suffocated from the cologne.

“Repulsive” came out of nowhere and ran me over me like a Mac truck.   How was I going to do this?

“Baby come over here and suck on Daddy’s lollipop,” he said.

OHHHH

MYYY

GOD!!!!!!

Was he going to pick up the 40 stomachs he had so I could find it?  And if he did what if he let them drop on me?  I can read the headline now “Dead Hooker Found Suffocated in Businessman’s Stomach.”  I could feel the honesty, the Kryptonite, flooding to the surface.

“Look sweetie, if you want to lie on the bed I will be happy to get you off with my hand but that is all that is going to happen here,” I said.

“But, your ad said GFE,” he whined.

“Yes and if my boyfriend ever gained as much weight as you he would be getting a hand job too.”

In the elevator once again… (yes he went for it, let’s just let that ugly experience die now…) I couldn’t believe it.  I could actually set my own rules, set my own standards.  Things just got better!!!!!  After all, even when Superman saves the day sometimes the people he saves get a little scuffed up in the process.  Nonetheless, they are always happy in the end.

THOSE GIRLS WHO ONLY DO GIRLS

by Jon of http://elexismonroe.thumblogger.com/

The November edition of France’s Hot Video has an article about lesbian erotica. It focuses on the market for girl girl videos and why female performers chose to only do lesbian scenes.
Miles Long had an unexpected success with Girlfriends 3 in June. His studio,Third Degree Films, ran out of stock after a week. He was also able to pay for a European holiday for his wife. Despite this he believes that the market for all girls films like the market for porn in general has reduced in the last few years.
It seems though that the girl girl niche doesn’t have anything to complain about. AEBN, the world’s largest VOD service, often has lesbian films in it’s top 10 sales list. There have also been important companies in the adult industry such as Digital Playground and Elegant Angel that have recently created there own girl girl series.
Moose , Vice President of Girlfriends Films , believes that the company’s good sales figure are due to catering for the couples market that’s fed up with what’s produced by other studios. Miles Long also feels the same. You’re more likely to show lesbian films rather than hardcore to your girlfriend or wife. They’re more sensual and because the performers are often prettier women can easily identify with them.

If you look at model agency sites the prettiest models often only do solo or girl girl. There is though nothing new about this. Pretty performers have always had more offers of work hence the less pretty have had to be more extreme to to catch the eye of directors.
This though is starting to slowly change. There is now less work so new female performers are going straight to hardcore. Many also take Sasha Grey as their role model. Pay for girl girl scenes is also less than for the range of boy girl scenes. So why do some girls in the business now still stick to only doing girl girl?

Moose explained:
There are several reasons for this. They’re married or they have a boyfriend who will only let them do this. Sometimes they’re taking their first steps and wish to progress slowly rather than do gonzo immediately so they start by doing girl girl.

This is backed up by the girls themselves.
Melena Morgan said:
I’m monogamous, I don’t want to make love with any other man than my boyfriend. Waking up in the morning without knowing who’s going to put their dick in your pussy, no thank you!

Celeste Star who’s featured in a lesbian photo shoot for Hot Video with Melena has her own reasons:
Lots of girls choose lesbian scenes because it’s easier , that’s my case. I don’t see any problem. It’s better than doing something you don’t like,no? Personally I don’t like sucking dicks , it disgusts me. I won’t even do it with my boyfriend. So can you imagine me doing it with other men?
Celeste accepts that the price to pay is earning less money.

Prinzzess , Girlfriends Films contract performer , has had offers to do boy girl. She’d certainly gain a lot of money by doing this but doesn’t like the idea of of scenes where there is little or no foreplay. This doesn’t mean she’ll never do boy girl. Her one condition is that she gets to choose her partners.
Those girls who only do girls often started there careers doing a few boy girl scenes. Those girls who only do girls on screen in their private lives have a boys only rule or have flings with girls and steady relationships with boys. Finding a real bisexual is rare in the adult industry. Finding a real lesbian is like looking for a unicorn.

The Author, now revealed Is Mistress Desire

Picking up the pieces volume 9
~~Open letter to my Husband~~

This is an open letter to my Husband, nothing in this letter I have not said before to him. My reason for writing in this forum is to give my readers an even better understanding as to what is going on in my head and heart. I welcome any comments or questions anyone may have and I will respond.

Dear D

Even as I begin to type I can feel my heart race and my eyes already start to tear up, but why? It’s been 9 months since finding out how you spent 4 months lying about the places you were going and who you would be with, knowing that I was at home waiting up for you. Never once while you were out did I just turn off the lights and go to bed, I waited for your text to tell me you were on your way home and for you to walk in the door. We would spend some time catching up on our day, maybe have a quick drink and then head up to bed together. You would kiss me and say goodnight. However I did not know that just an hour before kissing me goodnight, you were doing the same thing with her. Kissing her goodnight and telling her how much you enjoyed the short time you spent together, driving away and immediately texting her to say goodnight once again. So now I ask again why does this makes me cry?

Because I loved you, and trusted you and never in a million years did I think that you could do this to me, to us, to our family. The day I received the e-mail telling me all about the affair, I actually didn’t believe it. I thought someone who was angry with me was just spreading rumors to hurt me. I would have done anything for you, for us, all you had to do was come to me and say that things were spiraling out of control and we need to get help to make it stop. I cry because I miss what we had, and even when we are having a good day together or with the kids I go back to a year ago and wonder what was I not doing then? What could I have done different? How did we get here? I have asked all these questions to you and your standard answer is “I made a mistake” or “I was wrong”
So how do I know that I am not making a mistake now? Because we once loved each other?, and I say “we” because no matter how many times you say it now, there was a short time you did not, there was no way you could have. If you truly loved me back in September 2010, you would not have met her a second time after coming home and finding me waiting up for you.

The daily pain I feel is so over whelming, it has affected my work, my ability to sleep, my health both physically and mentally and even socializing. I find myself in a room with friends and I don’t interact like I used to, and they have noticed. No one invites me to girl’s night out anymore, and there have been plenty of those nights. Kind of hard not to notice when pictures of my friends go up on Face book and once again I was included or even asked. When my friends ask “how are you” or “are you OK” I see pity in their eyes, not concern. How I hardly call and talk to my Mom, whom I have always been close to. I can barely get through a conversation with her and not burst into tears and tell her what is going on between you and I, but I can’t do that to her. The fact that I look at our children and for the first time ever I wished they were older so that maybe this would be easier on them and they could understand better.

I moved to the east coast 15 years ago this month, looking forward to a new start with a man I had fallen in love with. No job, hardly any money, no family or friends. But I put my faith, hopes and dreams in your hands. What I have left is an empty shell, the only thing filling that shell is, broken promises, lost dreams and a hole in my heart where you once were. I know you say you are sorry and that you will never do anything like this again. I go back to my question I have asked again and again, why did you do it? What was so bad that you couldn’t talk to the best friend you have ever had. The one person who thought she knew everything there was to know about you, the one who has shared the most intimate moments of ours lives together. You were my confidant, my best friend, the one I turned to when I was down. I am sorry that I could not be that for you, I would have, had I been given the chance.

Just to be clear I loved you more then anyone I have ever loved before. I am sorry that is gone, I am sorry that I am angry and sad and no matter what you do or say it does not change things, not the affair you had or how it changed my feelings toward you and us. 15 years ago you saved me from myself, I was lost in a depression that I was not sure I would recover from. You helped me through it, and now I am 100 times worse off then when you found me, and maybe that is where our trouble lies. You needed someone to rescue and I no longer was that girl. She came to you crying about her boyfriend cheating on her, now ironically at first you felt bad for her and the way she was feeling. Somewhere you put that emotion out of your head long enough to say “hey this is nice” having someone who thinks you are their savor a shoulder to cry on so to speak. I had become strong and you felt you were no longer needed, so you found someone more pathetic who thought you were her god send. She was younger and she said all the right things, just as anyone trying to win someone over would at the beginning of a relationship. Never once did the two of you consider that if she was so upset about her boyfriend’s alleged cheating, that you would be inflicting that same hurt onto me. Of course not it felt too good and it was exciting, all new and especially hidden relationships are. I have my speculations as to why you ended it with her and you have told me part of the reasons. But back to the original question “why did it start”?

We agreed sometime in August not to discuss divorce until the end of January, by then it will have been a year. With just over 3 months to go, I am worried that we are still headed in that direction. My feelings for you are strong, but not always in a good way. I fight off my emotions as best as I can, I fight the images in my head of you and her laughing at the fact you were getting away with this and that I was clueless. I fight the urge everyday from putting my fist through a wall (again). What I don’t fight is the tears that come almost everyday, whether its while driving home from work. Sitting at my desk and a song comes on that brings it on. Sitting in my car at lunch watching couples enjoying an afternoon together. Or sometimes its after we go to bed and have sex, my mind wonders back to, why?

We talk, but nothing is really said. You say things will be different but yet you fall back into the pattern of just let things work themselves out. You say when things are calm you get comfortable and the way I see it last fall you were all too comfortable and that is how you were able to tell me you were going to help one of our friends with their computer, when that just became the perfect excuse. You were comfortable enough to believe that you could get away with it for as long as it suited you. Too bad that when you were done with her, she couldn’t accept that and wanted to make our life hell by making sure I knew all about it.
I have to end it here, before it becomes even more repetitive, I know you are trying, I hear you when you say you love me and want to be with me. However the questions remain the same,……WHY? What were you thinking?, did you not think that this could end our marriage? Or did you just not care? All of these questions must be answered before we can move on, I know that you think you have answered them but you have not. I need complete honesty even if you think it will tear us apart, better the truth then the continued lies…..

I leave it all up to you, either answer the questions or face the enviable

Yours (once)
MD
~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you for taking the time to read again, again I welcome your comments and questions.
Author
aka Mistress Desire
Follow me on Twitter http://twitter.com/MistressDesire

You can read the other installments of this story here-

Desire welcomes & answers your comments here. Or you can contact her on twitter @MistressDesire.

PART 1  http://www.ladieznight.com/3804  True Story of a Break Up

PART 2  http://www.ladieznight.com/3814 Seven Weeks Later

PART 3  http://www.ladieznight.com/4000   A Wife’s Journey After Her Husband’s Affair

PART 4  http://www.ladieznight.com/4000  To Live As Roommates?

PART 5  http://www.ladieznight.com/4129  Things Went South

PART 6  http://www.ladieznight.com/4211    Moving On

PART 7   http://www.ladieznight.com/4243  The Revenge Factor

Part 8    http://www.ladieznight.com/4298      Why I Won’t Wear my Wedding Ring

FROM  THE  TRENCHES
Dave Cummings, Porn star
October, 2011
I was the U.S. Army officer who accompanied the Army Chaplain in Berlin in 1966
to notify wives of their husband’s death in Vietnam.

In Vietnam, I was the Commanding Officer of a 4th Infantry Div unit in 1968
during the enemy’s Tet Offensive involving near-constant ambushes, rockets,
and mortars against us. It was a combat situation, yet luckily, I lost none
of my hundreds of soldiers (thanks to a unique system of bunkers we built
for refuge during the rocket attacks), though some soldiers experienced minor
shrapnel wounds. Our base camp perimeter was the target of probes by Viet
Cong trying to get inside our barbed wire and claymore mines to blow up
helicopters and fuel bladders at the combat gunship airfield across the
street from my command.

I’m now part of a large group of military retirees/veterans who participate
in “Welcome Home” events at military bases for our troops returning from
Middle East deployments, in escorting caskets/hearses/family to mortuaries
and military funerals, and in military ceremonies involving “Angel” flights
bringing fallen military back to the San Diego Area and their families for
burial. Last Tuesday, at a San Diego area Marine Air Base, we honored a 22-year old
Army Ranger who was KIA in Afghanistan last week, and escorted his hearse to
a mortuary; then, Saturday, we escorted him and his family to, and
participated in, his funeral.

I’ve experienced combat, and I’ve seen and participated in some of what CBS
showed recently on their “Sunday Morning” segment about the dignity with
which the military returns KIA personnel to America. This link shows that
report, and is almost exactly what we do here in San Diego.

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7384042n&tag=contentMain;contentBody

I realize that this column is supposed to focus mainly on sex, but bear with me on this one. Thanks!

Concerning the above mentioned Army Ranger who died in battle in Afghanistan, here’s a copy/paste of an email concerning his arrival back on American soil the Tuesday before his Saturday funeral last week. I sent this email to my son, an Army “Brat”—“Mike, I’ve just came back from being part of a group of active duty and retired soldiers and Marines who met a plane carrying the casket of an Army Ranger Sgt who was killed in combat last week in Afghanistan . Military police provided on-base escorts to the flight line for us, the family and the military honor guard and many active duty folks who just wanted to be there to honor the fallen soldier, including us all saluting the plane as it was landing, and as it pulled up in front of us (next to a giant Air Force C-5), and as the casket was unloaded and placed into the hearse, and as the hearse later drove between our two lines of American flags. Approx 50 of us then escorted the soldier to a mortuary 8-9 miles away; for that trip, as we were escorted from the runway and towards the exit leading to the freeway, Marines piled out of their work sites along the route to salute the hearse, and drivers pulled over and stood by their cars to salute/place their right hand over their heart. Very impressive and sincere, something I wish every American could have witnessed. The Highway Patrol took over as we exited the base—they had traffic stopped on the freeway, and they, local police and sheriff motorcycle authorities facilitated our convoy to the mortuary 11 miles north of the base. For the funeral this coming Sat, we will form an American flag honor guard to salute the Sergeant as he’s carried out of the mortuary, and again at his gravesite 23 miles to his final resting at a historic military (VA) national cemetery.”

Besides the above honoring for the Active Duty Army Ranger Sergeant, I am privileged to have participated in other military events, too.  Two weeks ago, our group formed a Patriot Guard line of American flags for the urn of a retired individual for his military funeral at the newly opened VA National Cemetery bordering a San Diego Marine Base. Since most of his career was in Army Intelligence, a U.S. Army Honor Guard was a major part of the funeral, including the presentation of the American flag to his wife, and the playing of “Taps”. It was somber. Afterwards, as a retired U.S. Army Lt Col, I sought out the Army Honor Guard and thanked them for being there and for their dignified participation.

The next evening as Marines and Sailors were returning from a 7-month Middle East deployment, we were there with our lines of American Flags for them to walk between and into the arms of their families. I particularly focused upon welcoming home those single men and women (yes, there are also military women serving in Iraq and Afghanistan) who didn’t have family there to greet them. As I was driving home, I was reminded that I almost had tears of sadness during the previous day’s funeral, and in contrast experienced feeling some tears of joy for those returning safely from overseas combat areas. I also feel a little bit like I am comfortably back in the military, though in a different role!

Yes, the last month did include sex, lots and lots of sex. Swinger events abound in San Diego, so I have inserted myself into that social crowd, something made easier for this single guy by me being “Dave Cummings”. Many women want to know if they are pretty and sexy enough to get a porn star “up” and off. And, husbands are so proud of their mates that they sometimes arrange the session. Swingers are a cross-section of American society, so there are all ages, sizes, shapes, and personalities. They are happy people, the kind I enjoy hanging out with; and, their culinary skills for pot luck events is legend. For them, sex is sex, and lovemaking is for their spouse. Fortunately, besides formal swinging events, I get “sex fun” with them at other times, too. Besides swinging, there are many women who just want a no-strings-attached sex session from time to time; my challenge is to make time for them in between so many things I do. If they are at least 18 and reasonably attractive, consenting, willing to use condoms, and are breathing, I’m usually agreeable to play with them. Yes, I prefer the younger ones, but I have to admit that some of the middle aged females are fabulous in bed!

Dave Cummings

Mariah Milano Visits UNEXSO Shark Lab in Bimini, Bahamas I just returned last night from 9 days in Bimini which is a very small island in the Bahamas. It’s actually the closest Bahamian island to Florida being only 53 miles from Miami and one of the most beautiful places on earth. The water is a blue I have never seen other than maybe Polynesia but I would say it’s every bit as clear and blue as Bora Bora or Fiji.  But it was the people and the energy and of course, the UNEXSO Shark Lab that made my trip worthwhile. I went over to shoot my 2012 calendar and spend some time relaxing and getting some sun away from everything. Cell phones don’t work and wifi is scarce to say it nicely so it ended up being a great break from the "real world". I flew over in a twin prop charter from Ft Lauderdale and after sixteen minutes in flight we began our descent into Bimini. The water was so amazing from the plane and I didn’t realize just how tiny the island is. Bimini is made up of 3 different islands with an estimated population of around 1,600. The biggest being North Bimini that is a total of 7 miles long and 700 feet wide and is the most populated part of Bimini with restaurants and shops and hotels along the on main street,  Kings Road.  Everyone uses golf carts and there are very few cars which is nice and it took me a few days to get used to driving on the left side of the road again! A little but of Bimini’s history: Bimini was home to Ernest Hemingway for 2 years in the 1930′s where he wrote and fished on his boat and supposedly a 500 pound Blue Marlin he caught was the inspiration to his famous book "The Old Man and the Sea" as well as "Islands in the Stream".  After Hemingway, Dr Martin Luther King spent time in Bimini in 1964 writing his Nobel Prize acceptance speech. The Fountain of Youth: I had read online about the myth of the fountain of youth being in Bimini but once I got there and spent time speaking to the locals it took on a much larger tale. I actually visited the "Healing Hole" as it’s named that fills with fresh water during outgoing tides and took a drink as well as soaked in it for a bit. I can say that I felt amazing when I got out and I don’t have the usual back pain I have been so used to for a while. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not!   Atlantis: **Bimini is believed to be the beginning of the fabled undersea world of Atlantis. On September 2, 1968, while diving in three fathoms (5.5 meters) of water off the northwest coast of North Bimini island, J. Manson Valentine encountered an extensive "pavement" of what later was found to be noticeably rounded stones of varying size and thickness. This stone pavement was found to form a northeast-southwest linear feature, which is most commonly known as either the "Bimini Road" or "Bimini Wall".  I went snorkeling along the Bimini Road and it’s one of the most popular tours on the island. After Valentine, the Bimini Road has been visited and examined by geologists, a vocational archaeologists, professional archaeologists, anthropologists, marine engineers, innumerable divers, and many other people. In addition to the Bimini Road, investigators have found two additional "pavement-like" linear features that lie parallel to and shoreward of the Bimini Wall. The stones have been carbon dated and are reported to be more than 3,500 years old! But aside from all of this factual stuff the greatest experience I had while there was my day at the UNEXSO shark lab. UNEXSO stands for "Underwater Explorers Society" and is one of the world’s most prominent research facilities for sharks, which was started by Dr. Samuel Gruber. The lab is located on South Bimini Island and when you see it you think, "this is THE shark lab?" as it’s basically a very small building with a few rooms including a communal dining area and a bunk room as well as a meeting room complete with schedules and tons of information (see photo), but the main research is done in the bay behind the lab in the water where they have their subjects in open water pens. Most of their research is on Lemon sharks as they breed and mate and are abundant in the waters of Bimini. They study juveniles tagging them so they can be monitored for the rest of their lives. Bimini is also home to Tiger Sharks, Reef sharks, the fierce bull shark as well as a variety of other sharks. I went on a snorkeling trip that took us to the SS Sapona wreck as well as Honeymoon Harbor to feed sting rays and then to a rock formation called Triangle Rocks where reef sharks are commonly seen. I have been terrified my entire life of sharks but after a day at the shark lab I found myself the following morning in 30 feet of water swimming with 7 coral reef sharks and the smallest being about 6 feet long and 180 pounds! I saw a black tip shark in Turks n Caicos last month but I was a good 20 feet away. Here I was literally almost close enough to reach out and touch them, in the wild on their turf and they were every bit as cautious and uninterested in having me for lunch as I was assured they would be. They were curious and even followed us back to the boat but never once did I feel uneasy or threatened but I will admit to having a severely increased heart rate at first!   I was taken out to the bay where they have the pens with the juvenile Lemon sharks that they catch and rotate out every 3 weeks after collecting DNA and adding the tracking device very similar to the one implanted in dogs. I got to touch and hold a baby Lemon shark and I have to say I am in love. They are so amazing and when you realize how fine-tuned they are you really get sick to think of the people that do nothing but destroy these amazing creatures. I want to note that the UNEXSO lab is the place that first discovered catatonic immobility in sharks. I don’t want to continue to bore you with my jabbering enthusiasm more than I already have but Google "sharks tonic immobility" or look it up on YouTube. It’s amazing and I know because I was fortunate enough to witness it in person. The effect of touch on a predator as fierce as a shark was amazing and one of the great experiences of my life. Do yourself a favor and visit Bimini and request to take a tour at the UNEXSO Shark Lab. Generally they require you to have a referral but I think they are trying very hard to get the information out to save the sharks that they are willing to educate anyone interested. Be prepared for the expense of Bimini though! A case of Corona is $90 and a golf cart rental is around $100 per day and is a necessity while there. You can charter a flight for around $1400 each way or you can check with some of the airlines who will only fly over if they have enough passengers to make the trip.   xoxoxo, Mariah Milano "Always a traveler, NEVER a tourist!" **Some factual information from Wikipedia

One of our writers was on Playboy Radio today with the lovely jessica drake. Our writer is getting quite famous for her series, “Picking Up The Pieces”, an honest portrayal of what is happening to her after she caught her husband cheating on her and she struggles with what to do next. She has been writing under simply “author” here. But now, because of the radio show she has revealed her true identity. So you may know her as Mistress Desire. You can read her heartbreaking missive below. If you want to read the whole thing start with part one. You won’t be able to stop until you finish reading part 8! And there will be more to come soon…

Desire welcomes & answers your comments here. Or you can contact her on twitter @MistressDesire.

PART 1  http://www.ladieznight.com/3804  True Story of a Break Up

PART 2  http://www.ladieznight.com/3814 Seven Weeks Later

PART 3  http://www.ladieznight.com/4000   A Wife’s Journey After Her Husband’s Affair

PART 4  http://www.ladieznight.com/4037  To Live As Roommates?

PART 5  http://www.ladieznight.com/4129  Things Went South

PART 6  http://www.ladieznight.com/4211    Moving On

PART 7   http://www.ladieznight.com/4243  The Revenge Factor

Part 8    http://www.ladieznight.com/4298      Why I Won’t Wear my Wedding Ring

Picking up the pieces #8 – Why I wont wear my wedding or engagement ring.

This is the story of how we got engaged and then married.

We had been living together for just over a year, there was talk of marriage and children. In fact we had made plans to quit smoking, so that we could work on the children part. I was not real big on the idea of getting married again, the whole 1st marriage had left a really bad taste in my mouth, but he was. We were headed out to dinner, our favorite Sushi bar for what seemed like a normal night out. As we were just about to leave our apartment he stopped me  and said I have something to give to you. I was not sure what he was talking about so I said oh yea what? From behind his back he handed me a little black box I didn’t know what to say, he said “open it” I did and what was inside one the most beautiful diamond solitaire with emeralds surrounding the diamond. I was stunned, I did not know this was coming, he had picked the ring out all by himself. I asked what is this for? and he said I want to marry you. It felt so good, to feel that he went shopping all by himself and taking a chance by picking out this ring and that even though I had said I was not ready he wanted to show me he was and wanted to prove his love. Even though I knew at that moment I was not ready to get married, but loved the idea of saying we were engaged and that maybe sometime in the near future I would be ready to marry again and I knew it would be with him, so I said yes.

That next June we found out that I was pregnant with our first child, we discussed getting married at that time and decided that we would still wait. She was born in April 1999, she was the most beautiful and we were both so happy. I was working full time from our apartment, that way I could take care of our baby all myself and save money on day care. In August of 2001 I was not feeling very well and my cycle was about a week late. My Mom was visiting at this time and her and I had just had the “marriage” chat she was not pressuring me she just wanted to know if we had any plans to get married or have any other children. I told her that at this time we had no plans for either. On a Tuesday I remember calling him from work (I was working 2 days a week out of the house, and 3 days in) and telling him that my period was now over a week late and I was kinda not feeling well. I worked in a medical building, the same as my OB/GYN and the lab, so I called and asked if I could go and get a blood test. That was 10am by 2pm my OB/GYN was calling me to tell me I was definitely pregnant. I was surprised but not at the same time. I called my fiance and told him the news and then asked him “wanna get married this weekend”? He was taken aback a little but responded quickly “YES”.  I spent the rest of the day finding out what we needed to do to get married in our state, the next day we met at the city offices and got a marriage license. At the time we had to wait 72 hours from the time you pull the license until you can get married. I called a Justice of the Peace and asked if she was available on Sunday to marry us, she was. That night while eating dinner I told my Mom that we had something to do on Sunday and we both needed new dresses, she was a little confused and asked what we were doing. I told her we had a wedding to attend, she asked who’s wedding, we both smiled and said ours and by the way we are having another baby in April. She was thrilled, my Mother has always been my greatest supporter with everything I have ever done.

We had a cute little ceremony in The JP’s apartment, my 2 1/2 year old daughter was there, his 7 year old son and my Mom were the only people in attendance. A few weeks later we went to a jewelery store and picked out wedding rings they were very similar to each others and since then only until I found out about his affair the only time I took off my rings, was when they needed to be cleaned or I was working out. The night I found out about the affair I took off my rings and I have a memory of tossing them out the window, but I found them a month or so later in the car so I guess I didn’t throw them out but really wanted to.
I have put them away, where I would never see them on a day to day basis and where he would not know where they are. I can’t wear them, I don’t feel what I felt the day he gave me the engagement ring or the day we got married. I never thought I would be able to say to someone that I am giving you my heart and my life will be devoted to us and our children, that feeling is gone and the rings do not mean what they once did. I loved this man more then even he believes, we had an incredible marriage which included being each others best friend and the best sex life that most men would envy.

Now all that is gone, what we have now is a sexual relationship & we get along for the most part. When I am not having a complete break down, but we are not the same couple that we were. I have given myself and him until the end of January for my mind to change and be in love with him again at that time I have a decision to make, a decision that not only effects me but our children. So far I feel no trust or love and as each day that goes by when I don’t wake up with those feelings, I come to believe that maybe those things are gone and can not be brought back. Too many people tell me it takes time, I just am not sure how long is enough or too much time to take.
Thanks to all who have sent messages of encouragement and your insights. Please leave a commit I will reply as soon as I can.

Author of Pieces

The other intense & interesting parts of this ongoing dilemma can be found here-

PART 1  http://www.ladieznight.com/3804
PART 2  http://www.ladieznight.com/3814
PART 3  http://www.ladieznight.com/4000
PART 4  http://www.ladieznight.com/4037
PART 5  http://www.ladieznight.com/4129
PART 6  http://www.ladieznight.com/4211  

PART 7   http://www.ladieznight.com/4243

FROM  THE  TRENCHES
BY:  Dave Cummings, Former Altar Boy (Now a Porn Star!)
SEP, 2011
It seems like quite a few production entities in the Adult Film Industry are on, or getting closer, to the brink of being financially unable to survive much longer in this age of (criminal-like?!) piracy, and other significant choke-point challenges; sure, some larger and financially well-healed companies and those with rich “investors” are still churning out new porn releases, but for how long?

Under the present circumstances, I’m unable to financially continue as an active producer / director, hence those descriptions are no longer in my above “By line”; and, per my past personal policy, I absolutely will not accept investor money and have to later face the possible wrath of an upset “money person” investor.  I’ll continue, however, to perform in select sex scenes for other companies, and I’ll manage/monetize/sell some of my present 1,500+ Internet domains, and I’ll be active and involved with my personal websites and my www.DaveCummingsInfo.com where folks can call and chat directly with me live.

And, yes, I’ll still be a continuing condom customer in my private life, especially for use in swinging situations and with groupie girls. I think we performers have a strict responsibility to make certain that we protect other performers and ourselves by using condoms 100% of the time off-set; and, I hope that performers with significant others are not being cheated on, especially as it concerns the need for rubbers. Yes, I’m totally comfortable with the DNA HIV/STD testing that we porn performers routinely get every month, but it could be worrisome if some performers are not 100% sober and 100% condom when playing off-camera with non-tested folks.

We’re back to NFL football season, which means swinger get-togethers to watch the San Diego Charger games at a couple’s house which has been hosting these events for a few years now. Interestingly, whereas most guys usually are quickly “ready” to engage with the swinger ladies, while the games are starting they seem more patient but then switch their sexual attention to the women if the Chargers aren’t doing well or the many advertisements become too annoying. I chuckle when the word “touchdown” is sometimes screamed out from one of the nearby bedrooms; and, there’s something impolite about looking over the head of the female giving you head, just so you can clearly see the TV and the football play that’s happening. During halftime and after the game is over, it’s a flurry of sex fun with the women seducing each other, and any guys who can still get it up again. I always drive hope with a big smile on my face, yes, even if the Chargers don’t do well!

Enjoy life, take time for family and self, be safe, and understand that it’s perfectly OK to enjoy sex with oneself and/or with other consenting adults; and, please be extra nice to others, just for the sake of it. I think that karma happens, and that there’s both good and bad karma.

Dave Cummings
www.DaveCummings.com
www.DaveCummings.tv
www.DaveCummingsvod.com
www.DaveCummingsInfo.com